My partner says he is not in love with me anymore

[CharlotteS]

Yes I know it's common to hear that, but there we no signs, a complete bombshell and it was blurted out without warning.

We have been living together for 4 years both after very difficult marriage breakups where both our exes suffered from depression.

Sonehow we have created a happy blended family of 5 boys (me two, he three), they all get on great!

There have been no signs of him being unhappy in the relationship at all, only the weekend prior to the bombshell we had a romantic getaway and intimacy was no problem.

He saw a doctor today and will be seeing a psychologist to try and work out his unhappiness. His work has been very stressful which hasn't helped.

Is there hope after your partner has told you they are not in love with you anymore? I love him more than anything, I just don't understand it all

[BballJ]

Hi CharlotteS,

Firstly, welcome to the forums.

I think there is always hope, especially if he said he doesn't love you anymore, I like to think he will come back from that and see that it isn't true, it does actually sound like you two were quite happy. It may just his way of dealing with his own mental health concerns and maybe he really didn't mean it, I am just guessing here but it may be.

I think the major thing here is that he is seeking help and what you can do best is give him all the support he requires and show him how much you love him and want the relationship to keep going.

My best for you and your partner,

Jay

[Mr_Walker]

Hi CharlotteS,

I'm sure there's hope (without knowing you guys at all!) But if he's made the steps to see a Doctor and Psychologist (which is fantastic!) I would assume there are ongoing issues - depression certainly does make you feel like you don't love your partner, your job, your hobbies etc. etc.

I think the worst thing that can happen is when people DON'T seek help and the problems get worse and harder to treat.. Good luck and welcome, J.

[geoff]

hello Charlotte, welcome and thanks for posting your comment.
I'm sure that having to share the boys around with your ex's maybe a strain on both of you and could quite easily cause a problem with certain demands being demanded, so this wouldn't be easiest to cope with.
You have to realise that once someone gets depressed then their mood will change, out of character, yes, but it's this illness making him say these things, that's the strength it has and I'm sure he doesn't mean what he has said, because he is just as likely to tell you that he loves you, just tell him that you love him, he may respond or he may not, but don't get too despondent, I know it's upsetting for you.
Can I suggest that you don't flood him with questions, he doesn't know the answers so when he wants to talk let him, because if he is asked question after question and making assumptions he will close up.
Let the psychologist do their work and there maybe plenty of ups and downs that's part of this illness, but please keep in touch with us at any time. Geoff.

[CharlotteS]

Thanks Geoff, your response brought me to tears, very helpful, it is extremely difficult with the exes as both are extremely toxic and we worry about the boys health and welfare. The worst thing is is that we have fought so hard to get where we are and were a happy stable unit, it is so hard to understand.

[CharlotteS]

Thanks Jay, appreciate your comments.

[CharlotteS]

Thank you.