My parents are toxic and I want to move out

[eden_whatever]

Hi,

My parents are extremely toxic especially ever since I have gotten a boyfriend. I am 18 and going through my hsc, my dad gets very angry a lot and you can never reason with him when he’s mad. My mother is manipulative, makes comments on my weight and has called me a selfish cow multiple times over the past week (even on my birthday). My dad particularly hates my boyfriend for no good reason other than he thinks I’m too young to date. He calls my boyfriend stupid and has now said if he ever sets foot in our house that he will hurt him. My parents still treat me like a child and think I’m acting selfish for wanting some freedom and maturity. My dad used to hit me and during the beginning of this year my parents wanted to divorce and I was told it was my fault. They do much more crazy stuff and lately I feel like I’m getting in trouble for every little thing and I’m always walking on eggshells around them. My boyfriends parents have told me I am more than welcome to stay at theirs and honestly I’m just wondering if I should? Like I really don’t feel comfortable in the house anymore and I don’t know how much more I can take

[Sophie_M]

Hi eden_whatever,

Welcome to the forums and thank you for sharing your story with us here.

We are sorry to hear that things have been so difficult at home with your parents. We can hear that so much has been happening and want to remind you that you are important and deserve to live a happy life too. We understand how hard this must be for you right now, so please know that you never have to go through this alone, and support is always here for you.

If you would like to talk to someone, the Beyond Blue Support Service is available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 1pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport  One of our friendly counsellors will be able to talk through these feelings with you and can offer support, advice and referrals.

We also feel that it may be helpful to reach out to Kids Help Line. They are a confidential and anonymous, telephone and online counselling service specifically for young people aged 25 and under.

We hope that you will find some comfort here on the forums. Please feel free to keep reaching out here on your thread whenever you feel up to it.

[smallwolf]

hello and welcome.

parents (and I am one) will always want to protect their children - even if the way they are doing it might not be the right way. Yet if you are 18 you are also an adult so ... Just as Sophie M said, you also deserve to have a life of happiness.

I feel it is unfair how you are being treated by your parents. I would also have a very hard in believing you would be responsible for them separating in any way. I read that is what they are telling you but ...

While your own family is not that helpful or friendly, the family of your boyfriend sounds very helpful. I suspect you have already spoken with them about what is happening, but (and not asking) did they give you any advice on what to do? or how to deal with the situation? Perhaps a school counselor could give you some advice?

I guess the last thing I would ask is ... do your parents know or are they aware of the impact their behaviour is having on you. In your situation I would be scared to bring this up, but perhaps if you spoke with your mother?

anyway... if you want to chat, I am about

[Guest_1643]

Hi Eden,

I think Ur parents may try to scare u out of moving out, but it's Ur life, u ah e to live with the consequences . Sometimes it'd hard to break the cord and yes you do have to be ready and habe a safe, secure place to go, rather than just leaving into the open space.... yet it sounds possibly like u may have a food option to live with Ur boyfriends family?

If someone hits u they may do it again. I'd support u in moving out. Perhaps a local women's centre can assist with making a plan. I used an org in VIC called Wire Women, but there are certainly others.

[eden_whatever]

Thank you. Honestly I know my parents love me but I seriously think my dad has unresolved anger issues because he tends to lash out and my mum is very focused on my younger sibling and I feel i’m not getting the support I need. I have mentioned before how my parents make me feel and that it does want to make me move out and in response my parents yelled and gave me empty promises to change that have not been followed through. After I expressed my concerns and told them I wanted to move out I heard them mention it to my extended family saying it’s because I want to be able to do whatever I want and I don’t want to be under their authority when that is not the case at all. I cannot keep being treated this way as it is seriously affecting me and everyone that knows my parents and me is telling me that what they do and say is messed up.

[eden_whatever]

also I have gotten some good advice from my boyfriends parents and as I’ve technically finished school I can’t see the counsellor. My boyfriends mother told me I should write up an email before I leave and send it to them explaining everything after I’ve left. I have tried so hard to communicate with my parents about how I feel and honestly they never listen

[geoff]

Hello Eden, your doctor can set up a mental health plan, which entitles you to 10 Medicare paid sessions to visit a psychologist/psychiatrist per year, so yes you can see a counsellor.

You aren't to blame for your parents not getting along and you aren't responsible at all if they can't get on, it's between them, not you and they need to sort this out with the help they need and not bring you into their arguments.

If your parents don't care about you, then you need to find somewhere that treats you as an adult and does not criticise you all the time.

If your dad doesn't accept your boyfriend at all, then is he going to accept whatever you do in the future, you need some respect, freedom and ability to grow just as you want, not being treated as you currently are.

Your boyfriend's parents realise what's going on and want to give you what your parents haven't been able to, take the opportunity.

Geoff.

[smallwolf]

sounds like you have made a decision as to what you are going to do. mostly... there are no wrong decisions, we decide what to do based on the information available at the time.

when you said you tried telling them and they don't listen, it sounds like something I read - most people do not listen with the intent to understand, they listen in order to reply. Someone extended it a little with something like "Its is called empathy". I mentioned this to someone else today who is having an issue with his GF. It seems your parents do not seem able to see things from your perspective. 😞