Hi evee
You sound like such an incredibly conscious person, who's invested in becoming even more conscious. Developing an open mind and questioning the way forward point to abilities and skills you so obviously possess. 🙂
It's definitely not always easy to keep an open mind, especially when certain people challenge us so much. I'm a gal who tries to keep in mind things like 'What is this person challenging me to do?', 'Who are they challenging me to become?' or 'How are they challenging me to develop certain aspects of myself?'. Almost impossible to consider such things when heightened emotions are in play, that's for sure.
Developing a sense of knowing when to walk away or deescelate a situation, developing a sense of wonder (in regard to where that person's coming from), a sense of boundaries, a sense of feeling the nature of a person and situation etc etc you could say is about 'coming to our senses'. While sensitivity (the ability to sense) is a gift or ability, it's definitely one that needs careful mastering. I've found, through personal experience, it also requires great levels of self understanding. 'What am I feeling/sensing? Why am I feeling/sensing it? How can I manage the volume or amount of what I'm feeling? How can I switch off from feeling or how can I raise the volume to be able to feel more? How can I manage my nervous system, one of the physical aspects of myself that I feel through? How does what I'm sensing or feeling tie into my belief systems and/or sense of identity?' are just a handful of many questions worth asking.
I've found a sense of wonder can go a long way. With my 20yo son being diagnosed with Level 1 Autism, we've learned to wonder a lot together. I tend to wonder at him, which then leads him to wonder in search of answers. We find possible reasons for why and how he experiences life in the ways he does. For example, I could wonder why he has a particular perspective when it comes to a certain situation. I may then ask him. He'll wonder and may offer 'I don't feel it in the way you do. It has no emotional charge for me. It's just very matter of fact, when it comes to how I experience or perceive it'. A fair answer that makes sense. Wondering in search of reasons can sometimes be a good way to approach a person. With me being an intense feeler/sensitive at times, my son's actually taught me how to not feel as much (in constructive ways). I regard him as one of my teachers in life. I also recognise his need to redevelop his ability to feel. He was once a deeply feeling kid, before that was bullied out of him to a degree throughout his school years. While he taught himself to emotionally switch off (for self preservation reasons), it kind of went too far, to the extreme. So, we're actually teaching each other certain skills or abilities. Sometimes it's not always obvious when you have 2 teachers in the same room together, perhaps like you and your sister. Btw, there are plenty of times where I'm led to question (in my own mind) 'Why can my sister not feel or get a sense of what she just said to me?'. Yes, I have some sister issues too, even at 55 😁. Took me many years to work out why she doesn't feel or sense things in the ways I do. For example, while she feels a sense of strength and confidence in what she may be saying to me, I can be feeling a sense of degradation. In other words, for her to feel 'up' or 'raised', I must be put down. She can't always sense that this is what she's doing. Btw, this comes from decades of her facing being put down. She likes feeling the difference between 'up' vs her feeling 'down'. To her, this feels liberating and empowering. With this in mind, I try to feel compassion, as opposed to resentment. Sisters can be quite complex, hey 😊. In all fairness, we can be quite complex too.
