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My mother is an absolute hypocrite.

Mercy120
Community Member

This weekend I was planning to go somewhere with my friends. I don't get out much because I like to stay in my safe bubble. I'm really shy around people. I have absolutely no confidence and low self esteem. I don't like myself. Basically at the moment I've been starting to feel a bit happy. Like I feel like slowly, but surely, I'm coming out of this dark hole I'm in. I've been going outside and running to lose weight, and it's felt great!:) Just one problem though. I have my hypocritical mother weighing me down. As I said at the start, I'm going out with my friends. I'm going to dye my hair purple, or something. To give me a boost of confidence. See, we haven't had much money for a while, due to some ridiculous things that my mother did, but I won't get into that. Anyway we used to be in a Luke comfortable zone. We had just the right amount if money really. But oh god. She keeps spending money on herself. LIKE ALL THE TIME. And by money I mean 50-200 per item of clothing or ridiculous things that are just junk and she doesn't even use. She bought freakin 130 dollar pair of slippers and a 200 dollar jacket for crying out loud. We've gone broke 6 times now. Today she told me these exact words "don't blame me if we broke from going in to town, it'll be your fault not mine" she was getting really defensive and trying to put the blame on me. Then I found out she had bought a 100 dollar scarf. We don't have a lot of money left either. I was going to buy a few nice things this weekend.. not sure if I even can now 😕 She legit tried to put the blame on me so she doesnt seem like the bad guy. She always acts like she's right. When I try to explain what she's doing she gets very very defensive about it. She can never admit that she's wrong. She always acts like the victim. Whenever we fight, I always have to be the one to apologise because verythijg is always my fault. She doesn't listen to me either. I will tell her something and it just flies right past her. But then sheblames it all on me. Like I can admit when I do something wrong. But she she won't. And I'm so sick of it. She likes to tell me I'm fat too. I'm tried to calmly sit down and talk to her about it. But she literally keeps laughing like everything's a joke and then walks away. Literally whenever I try to be serious SHE LAUGHS. She complains about how I'm ungrateful and don't help around the house. It's because she drains my energy. no one will read this but I feel better:) Thanks

4 Replies 4

Mia001
Community Member

Hi Mercy120,

Welcome to the forums! I find it a very nonjudgmental and caring community and I hope it's the same for you.

It sounds like you have a lot going on right now! I'm so sorry to hear of the situation with your mother. I can't imagine how stressful it must be to live with someone like that. The financial situation must put a lot of strain on you as well.

On a more positive note, you've been running to lose weight which is great! Hopefully, that will be a boost to your self-esteem and make you feel better about yourself. I think taking time for yourself (going out with friends) is a great idea! It's good to hear that you've been taking steps to help yourself.

Can you talk to any of your friends about what you're going through? Also, you didn't mention if you were seeing a psychologist etc; maybe it's something you would consider? Being able to talk to someone about your problems can make a big difference.

It's sad to hear that you don't think anyone will read your post. I just wanted to let you know that someone cares about you. I'm always here if you need someone to talk to, or just listen. I don't know if you'll see this, or even reply. If you don't, that's okay. I just really hope that everything works out for you.

Hope this helps,

Mia

P.S. I think dyeing your hair purple would be really cool 🙂

Croix
Community Champion
Community Champion

Dear Mercy~

Ok, so now two people have read your post - you can't always be right 🙂

Actually what I see reading your post is basically a very sensible person who has a pretty clear idea about how things work and is trying to deal with things in what sounds like a no-win situation. Perhaps that can change. I don't know enough to make sensible suggestions in that area.

It would not surprise me if your mother has always said things to you that are put-downs, or evaded her responsibility. In addition she may not really have any idea of consequences, with an impulse buy now being more important than groceries later.

Growing up in that atmosphere is terribly bad for a child, and if they end up with low-self esteem and low self-confidence - shyness - it is to be expected.

As Mia says, support from a friend or other family member can make a big difference, is there anyone like that in your life? If you have been suffering anxiety, the safe bubble sounds a bit that way, then perhaps seeing a GP -or Headspace for the under 25's - may well be something worth doing.

I have several problems including anxiety and bouts of depression and there was no way I could really have gotten better long term without outside help.

You know, at this stage you have given a fair amount of detail about your relationship with your mother, but not that much else about your current life. How much family you have, if you are stuck at home or have other places you could live? If you study or work, things like that. It's not being nosy and of course you only say exactly what you'd like. It can help with understanding your situation better though.

I hope you feel comfortable enough to reply and talk more

Croix (who is still wondering about the purple hair:)

White_Rose
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello Mercy

Welcome to the forum. Glad you could get here and I hope we can help and support you. I was going to dye my hair pink last weekend, or at least have a pink streak through it but decided at the last minute that as I was going away for a few days it may not be such a good idea. I think I should have gone through with it. I also think Croix should dye his hair purple as it would look terrific with his tusks.

I am sorry you are having a bad time at home and I am wondering how to best help you. Like Croix I would like to ask you about your family. Is it just you and your mom, or are there others, a dad perhaps? Tell us about the things you feel comfortable saying. I hope you do go out and get your hair dyed purple. That would be great.

I feel sad for your mom because she is obviously unhappy and that's why she buys 'stuff' to make herself feel good. I think she realises this is not the best way to live but has got to the stage where it is very difficult to stop. This is not to say she is right in the way you are treated, it's definitely not right.

Today she told me these exact words "don't blame me if we broke from going in to town, it'll be your fault not mine" she was getting really defensive and trying to put the blame on me.

This is grossly unfair to you but is her only way to cope. Laughing at you being over weight is wrong and cruel, especially when you are trying to lose weight by exercising. Laughter is her only defence.

So what can you do? I would like to know a little more about you as I said but I wonder if you could start the ball rolling by visiting your GP. Most GP's will bulk bill underage children in these circumstances so you only need your Medicare card. Make an appointment and go and have a chat.

When you are feeling very frustrated and want to blurt out all your anger and hurt, come on to this forum and write it here. We will not judge you in any way and we can continue talking. There is another help service you may like to try as well as Beyond Blue. The Kids Helpline is a great place for those under 25. Have a look at their web site. www.kidshelpline.com.au or phone their 24/7 helpline 1800 55 1800.

I hope to see another post from you soon.

Mary

gloria10
Community Member

Hi Mercy 120,

I'm sorry to hear you are having a difficult time and I had to write because I can relate. Not with the overspending part, but my mother never takes the blame even if something is her fault. If we have arguements its always me that gives in because I know she wont and I don't want to lose touch with my family completely.

First of all that is awesome that you've been getting out and exercising. I have been told by a counsellor before that its the next best thing to antidepressants and I find it really helps.

Good on you for spending time with your friends too.

I can relate to the laughing when your serious, my mother is like that and will say I'm too sensitive if I stand up for myself. It also hurts when they comment on weight, I get that too.

Have you got siblings? Is there someone close like a relative or friend that you may be able to talk to? I'm finding when things get too much like that its good to reach out to someone that makes you feel safe.

I hope things get better for you.

Gloria10