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My marriage is falling apart

Sarahleas
Community Member
I'm 39 husband 45. We both love each other so much but our sex life is ruining our relationship.
He lost his confidence in a busy stressful part of our life. Trying to get it back and he wants to have other sexual partners involved in our sex life  and as much as I like to do that he wants it more often than me and thinks it will help him have more confidence sexually and in everyday life. He has a few mental health issues and other medical conditions. We have 6 kids and run a seven day a week business with a farm and mechanical business also. The stress is real and as much as we try everything seems to be getting on top of us. I feel there is way to much to do and I get overwhelmed daily as I'm guessing he does too. He wants to use sex as a distress while I find sex is the last thing on my mind after everyday shit going on. As much as I love and desire my husband I'm struggling to see where he is coming from and vise versa.
Any advise?
5 Replies 5

IsaJett
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi sarah

other sexual partners ...hahah that sounds liberating . I can only think of one thing that i can suggest . I used to dread the idea of sex as well . Wanting it to be over asap at the end of a crazy exhausting day . Until I realise it doesn’t have to be that way . I realise I too can use it as a stress relief for me ...like the guys do ...lol why let them have all the fun . So that’s exactly how i have approached it . Its a beautiful time to connect with your partner .and make sure you do just that and enjoy it ...slow it down if you have too...take charge too if you have to. If you change the way you think about it ...it most definitely help I think .. For me I feel sexual intimacy is pivotal so as a woman ...i make sure i do what I can to get it and use it as a stress relief as well . Try new things...lol flip it around for your husband and surprise him .hahaha and watch his face light up .have fun with it .

I hope this helps you ...lol ..

 

Thanks so much for your reply. Can you please tell me how you changed your way of thinking? I do like to have sex it's just not as if her as him. I also just want it to be over and not an hour or two long. I hear many women complain about the 10 minute sex but most times that's all I want from him. I'm exhausted already I don't want to be even more so. I'm the one getting up in the morning and getting everyone ready while he is sleeping. Sorry to be so negative 😑

IsaJett
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi Sarah ..

i think for me it sort of tweaked when i thought I have to do it anyways ...so why not make the best of it ...lol ....try and introduce one new thing at a time ...lol ..I dont know . Get creative ....I know marriage takes work ...lol .I know monotony definitely doesn’t work .

I know life can really get so busy and so exhausting but if you ain’t having fun with your husband then what’s the point ??Make the time to just have fun ...fun for yourself ...its not about him ...its about you . Keep having fun and tell him what you like ...hahah shock him a little ....thank me later ...hahaha . Just make it a point to yourself that you gonna enjoy it as much as you probably can .As long as the focus is about you and you are having fun ...the rest of it will take care of itself .

Keep us posted ..haha

Juliet_84
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hi Sarahleas,

I completely understand where you are coming from. It can be hard, if not impossible to feel sexy after all of the mundane, exhausting cooking, cleaning, working, getting kids ready, paying bills etc stuff that goes on with everyday life. I don’t think that you need to have sex even though you don’t feel like it, I think that you and your husband need to work towards getting back your desire. I once read that, for women, what goes on outside the bedroom dictates what goes on inside it. Therefore, if you are feeling unappreciated or nagged into having sex or suggestions of a third party, you are likely not going to feel like it. I think you need to reach out to your husband and ask him to help you with things, and also affection without the expectation of sex can go a long way.

geoff
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello Sarahleas, thanks for coming to the forums.

You already have a full packed day, working 7 days a week and with 6 children, I don't even know what else he expects from you because that's such an extraordinary request in your marriage.

If he's lost confidence in life and wanting other sexual partners is only going to cause harmful ramifications to your business and marriage in the long run, you're exhausted and it's not fair to even ask you for this request.

Relationships Australia provides a specialist sexual concerns counselling service to both individuals and couples and the phone number is 1300 364 277 or have a look on the net.

There are other sites where he can be treated for his request.

Your day is packed with looking after 6 kids and working 7 days and if I had ever said that then I know what would have happened.

Look after yourself and don't be forced into something you don't want to do.

Geoff.