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My girlfriend loves me but left me. I feel sad and alone.

IAmJonDavid
Community Member

Hello,

The love of my life and best thing that has ever happened to me left me last week. Her reasons were she has some stuff going on mentally and needs to work on herself(past issues). I completely understand that, what I don't understand is the fact she still loves me (but not enough to keep going). Im finding living really hard right now and not being able to communicate with her (we just started 2 weeks of no communication, hardest thing I've ever done).. she said she loves me but doesn't know how she feels and now I wait in hope that she comes back and we build a life together. I'm just so lost and alone, I get trapped in my thoughts of what if she doesn't come back, what if I could never hold her hand again.. im just really struggling, it's affecting my work and my study and I just feel alone :(...everywhere I turn I see her. I love her. I miss her. 😞 if any one has ideas or techniques I'd be really thankful.

Regards,

Jon

I hope it makes sense I generally start to cry when talking about the issue 😞

5 Replies 5

Starwolf
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi Jon,

Thank you for sharing your story and thoughts.

Your girlfriend needs to be given space at the moment. Dealing with mental issues may mean anything from needing to mull things over to make sense of them, to requiring medical assistance if the problem is too complex. Have you discussed what these issues are ? Mental/emotional unrest can be all consuming. This is the reason why many people suffering such turmoil temporarily withdraw and isolate themselves to focus on what is troubling them.

I understand this is a difficult time for both of you but I suggest you wait till those 2 weeks have elapsed and see what happens then. It is difficult to know how to help when we don't know what the problem really is. Perhaps your gf will be able to open up and discuss the situation when she feels ready to communicate again. Sometimes, temporarily distancing ourselves helps clarify our thoughts and feelings. Emotional closeness gets in the way of objectivity and only serves to cloud our perspective. Respecting this need for temporary withdrawal is the best you can do at the moment.

Meanwhile, taking care and distracting yourself would be the best way to see these 2 weeks through. Uncertainty is not easy to cope with. Filling this time with as many distractions as you can will help you over this hurdle. Overthinking can easily take over but will only add confusion and frustration to the equation, as you don't know what is going on. No amount of thinking/worrying will help unless grounded on solid facts...which you don't have at the moment.

Kindest thoughts.

Carmela
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi, experiencing relationship difficulties are certainly difficult but as Starwolf suggested, the best way is to distract yourself. I found this certainly had worked for me. Wait out the 2 weeks as she has asked and try in the interim to gain some perspective on the matter without the worry of will she or won't she. Patience is the test here.

Thank you for your kind words, it's just so tough when my mind wonders and starts to think of the what ifs.. i will try to distract myself as much as I can. Once again thank you

hi Jon, trying to understand why or how your g/friend has suddenly come to her conclusion is something each and everyone of us have ravelled with for many years.
We open the door to let somone in and they then go straight out the backdoor, so we scratch our heads and ask the question why, but with depression that's exactly what happens and that'd how complex mental illness is.
As Starwolf and Carmela have said that it's a good idea to give her the space she needs, it's tough on you, but if that's what she wants then she needs time to reaccess what is going on, because as soon as we encroach upon them could do more harm than good.
A depressed person doesn't want to be asked question after question on why they feel this way, it's up to them to tell you when the time is right, we know it's always hard being on the other side because all you want to is give her a cuddle, but she may not be ready for this, so at the moment her mind is so full of questions, maybe disappointments and possibly judgements, but it doesn't necessarily mean that all of this includes you, so to automatically assume this is wrong and that's why depression is so hard to understand.
As much as you love her, which I'm sure she knows, you can't put any pressure on her, she will come around when she is ready.
I hope that you can keep in touch with us. Geoff.

IAmJonDavid
Community Member

I'd like to thank everyone for their support, I'm still finding it quite difficult. I'm finding I try to my distract myself but just end up feeling empty. I know I should not worry about the What ifs but its all I can seem to focus on..

once again thank you though