My friend is leaving because I asked for too much help
I’ve been leaning on my best mate too much for quite a while now, and the other day he started some new boundaries. I’m not allowed to call him when I’m suicidal anymore, and he wants me to tell some other people about my issues, and if I’m not getting professional help by the end of the month then we can’t be friends anymore.
I understand the reasons behind all of them and it’s good that he’s protecting himself but it hurts so much. I actually let myself believe that he wasn’t gonna leave me, I let myself believe that he was different. I still love him so much but now I cry every time I think about him.
I don’t know how to deal with this. I know I need to put my walls back up but I can’t lie to him.
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Im so sorry to hear that your friend has said that to you, it would hurt.
Please know we are all a lovely caring community and you can chat to us anytime about anything.
Can I ask if you have been able to speak to a health professional about the way you are feeling?
Hello Jamie, and welcome to the site.
I'm sorry to hear that this has been said, but perhaps it may be their way of wanting you to get professional help and that they are stuck with the help they have offered and don't necessarily know what else to suggest.
Sometimes when this does happen maybe because they don't have any answers that will help you and then in return become affected themselves in a negative way, although I'm not a doctor to say, but know from my experience is why my friends disappeared, it became too much for them to handle.
The love you have for him can still remain, but sometimes we expect this person to be with us all the way, but they have their own responsibility, in not only trying to get on with their own life but trying to cope in how you are feeling and that's an enormous burden to try and sort out, that could be a reason why he has said what he did.
If at any time you are feeling that you want to do something then please dial 000, they will take you to the hospital for your own self keeping, that's one option, another one is, that we know we can lean on friends but a counsellor is better equipped with experience and knowledge to be able to talk through the issues you are struggling with.
Did you know about the 'mental health plan' your doctor can offer you, it gives you 10 Medicare paid sessions per year so you can talk with a psych.
We hope to talk with you again.
I’m so sorry that you don’t feel like you have the same support from your friend. Although from his perspective, that must be an incredibly heavy burden to be tasked with the feeling of keeping your friend alive. In reality he’s probably just feeling a bit out of his depth, he hasn’t trained for this and doesn’t know what to do. So I do think it’s the best thing that you are under the care of a psychologist for this type of stuff. The reason that your friend is setting these boundaries is because he clearly loves and cares about you and so these things are distressing for him too. He isn’t leaving you, he is just making sure that the proper people are in charge of your health issues and he obviously was concerned that you wouldn’t seek out help unless pushed. When things settle down a bit I hope that you’ll see that he’s actually looking out for your best interests/care, even if it may not feel that way at the moment