My ex wants to get back together

[day1startsnow]

Hi,

I posted back in April about my ex partner leaving me somewhat suddenly. There was no contact made on my end and suddenly last week I get a message out of the blue, saying hey, how are you? I was quite taken aback as I felt completely over him, but now he is constantly messaging me nice things and says he wants me to move in with him, which I don't think would be the best idea as both our dogs do not get along with each other and I suspect I would be living under strict rules. I feel like my body is telling me to delete his number - we both moved on for good reason, and if my family knew they would be horrified as he reached out to a couple friends of mine after he broke up with me to try and "Get with them". Why did I bother responding to him? I am successful work wise but feel quite drawn back to him which i never thought I would do. I feel vulnerable. 

I have been going through a particularly difficult time with housing for the first time in my life, which really scares me, (was renting from my mum until she sold the house recently with a short settlement date) and it has been very difficult living with her again and her fiancée as I do not feel welcome. I have been applying for so many rentals and have a decent budget, and have offered landlords to pay the full 6 or 12 months upfront for security. I just want somewhere safe for me and my dog. my mums partner constantly brings up that it is a burden to have us both here which I can understand as my dog can bark at his dog while I am at work, and I do not wish to make his life more difficult. I do all the cooking and cleaning, as a way to show im contributing in addition to paying board. I just feel so confused and worried for my future.

[tranzcrybe]

Of course relationships go through peaks and troughs, and sometimes separation is a way to clear your thoughts and ponder the future with/without your partner. While you seem to have severed ties and look to your own 'day1', ex may be feeling he has come off second best and misses you in his life - that's not always a bad thing but as you say it has to be mutual and a certain pressure now falls on you to make a decision.
Take your time and keep an open mind - see if it's a renaissance or just smoke and mirrors. Above all, be careful not to let your own struggles with accommodation, parent, fiance, and dogs influence you as being the solution to your problems - could be a case of frying pans to fires for the unwary...

[ecomama]

Hey Day1

You seem to have clarity about the ex IE the slimy behaviours he showed towards your friends and the fact he dumped the relationship in a ghosting kind of way. 

Plus the most likely issues you would face if you took him up on his offer IE his controlling nature and most importantly the dog issues. 

It's a shame your parents are not being more loving towards you as you are trying your hardest to find your own place. Grrr. Dogs are wonderful. 

You are thinking so rationally and I hope you can have this rational thinking reign during this tumultuous time. 

It's understandable your emotions are rather frayed over your housing and the ex. 

Exes are exes for good reasons.
It seems that if you DID move in with him, it would be wrought with escalating issues as it was no "honeymoon" to begin with. Plus he sounds like a creep. 

Listen to your instincts. They're spot on. 

I really hope you can find affordable housing soon! There are less pleasant options which I'm sure you've considered already. 

Take care and post again with GOOD NEWS!! or just let us know how you're getting on
EM

[geoff]

Hello Day1, your position is of prime concern, because your ex can't simply contact you by text after leaving you suddenly, for what ever reason, because you can't be sure what may happen if you begin to live together again, so I would ignore his texts and block him, although I can't say what to do, this is only a suggestion.

If you move in with him, then you would be obliged to be under his control, that's not what you, especially as your career is going well.

I know that this issue as well as finding rental seem to be on equal ground, but perhaps, one has to be sorted out before the other can be addressed.

Geoff.

Life Member.