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My anxieties are pushing him away?

Community Member

I have been seeing my best friend for the last few months. We are perfect together when it's just us, we have never fought, he says he loves me (& that isn't easy for him). He has not fully committed yet for a few reasons, one that he just got out of a relationship, two because he is away at uni. I am fine with this however after a perfect few months at home it has all changed since he moved back to uni.

I have anxiety, that has been a problem for relationships in the past, however it hasn't been a problem in over a year. Since he has gone back I have been anxious & jealous. I have sent multiple anxious texts & focused on tiny little naggy things in my head. I love him to bits, i don't want to ruin this but I am afraid I am already pushing him away.

 After a great weekend together he isn't even being affectionate by text message. I'm seeing him this weekend & i just want to be my fun happy self, irresistible and attractive. Help me please

2 Replies 2

Community Member

Hi sw7993,

Try not to worry your best friend will be very busy with uni as o week is over now. I know because I have kids at uni. This separation of uni is hard as I miss my kids too. He will need to be able to come home to his best friend waiting happily. Try not to be resentful or worried about him leaving. There are a lot of families that have their partners who work away it can make your relationship stronger if you are meant to be together. I hope this post us not to mother lecturer type. Get a hobbie to keep you extra busy and time will fly by. 

Community Member

Hi Sw.  I totally agree with Ella rosey on this one.  Uni is a humungus step, is this his first year?  He needs time to adjust to a schedule, get to know other students, figure out study time.  Does he work, this also needs time to adjust.  Possibly when he came home last weekend, he was thinking ahead to when he returns to class.  Once he settles into a routine, things should get easier.  When he comes home again, give him a big hug and tell him how much you love the fact that he is doing well at uni.  Don't push him into sharing too much about life there, if he tells you, great, if he doesn't, talk about your future.  What's he studying, how long is he at uni for?  Be everything you said you want to be, fun, happy, loving, supportive.  When he goes back to uni, send him away with a smile from having such a good weekend.   If you do text, tell him hi, just letting you know I love you and are proud of you.  Try not to text too often, though.  Give him space to study. 

As Ella also said fill in your time doing things you enjoy, reading, listening to music, watching t.v etc.