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My 76 year old father tells me all time he wants to die
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My dad has been a drinker (not alcho) his whole life. Has always had a short temper and never really was emotionally available as a kid to me and my sister. Never talks about his feelings or wants to genuinely connect with us. He cheated on my mum 20 years ago and stayed with that lady for 10 years till she died. Then he got more negative if thats possible. I have tried many things like trying to go to movies, walk, concert etc with him.. He doesnt want to even if its something he said he wanted to do. Im 48 gone through two hectic cancers in last 10 years. When he come to see me in hospital he got angry with me for crying and said im tougher then this and if i dont stop crying he wont visit me. Hes not a bad guy. he has bought me a car. but hes just emotionally not there EVER... my whole life. I dont care as i know who he is but it annoys me to no end that he trys to make out im a bad daughter if i dont chase him.. like he will call me and say ": why havent you called me"? i said well why havent u called me ph works both ways... then he gets shits and hangs up. Its always about him.. hes single and its my job to jump as a companion and call on him all the time to see " if hes still alive as he puts it"... ON our last phone call he said he didnt care if he got hit by a bus (he says this stuff alot even though i have asked him not too... then in next breathe he says do you want to catch up. I said how about we leave it till another time till u feel better as he is sooo depressing .. he got annoyed and hung up. then i texted him saying im happy to go to drs with him to look at antidepressants etc for him and i love him. He has continually said stuff like this to me after me telling him not too. Im already struggling mentally after cancer... he doesnt care. keeps doing it. My sister said he doesnt do it to her and that hes only doing it to me to try to manipulate a visit. IM annoyed with him as he was an unavailable father who never really had any interest when we were younger.. never heard from him when his girlfriend was alive and now all of a sudden he expects me to act eager and always wanting to contact him despite his negative and dreary atmosphere he carrys with him whereever he goes. He puts a downer on even my overseas trips i go on telling me bad stuff is going to happen. He never listens to anyone... meditation is that my only saviour ahaha. thanks for listening
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Hello and welcome.
It sounds you’ve had to deal with this, especially with own health concerns and mental well-being. It’s clear you’ve tried hard to build a connection with your dad, but it’s also okay to acknowledge when a relationship feels one-sided or draining. My dad (now deceased) was emotionally unavailable as well, but there are also things I would learn that probably makes me say "I get it now". Not to say that it makes it any easier. He also had Parkinson's and Alzheimer's that was more pronounced in the last years. And with these changes, things he used to be able to do were no more. One time, mum asked me to walk with Dad and so we went for a walk around the park. During that walk, he said to me "if this is as good as its going to be, what is he point of living". He was also on medication. Again, none of this makes it easier, and also a case of too little too late.
You’re not a bad daughter for needing boundaries, and if that is what is needed then protecting your own mental health is important... especially after all you've been through. You’ve shown strength, and it’s okay to prioritize yourself. You’re doing the best you can, and that’s enough.
And he did'nt really know that I listened to meditation either. Do what works for you.
Listening.
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Try to think how you will be feeling when he does die. Think now of all the things you may regret and could take back if you could. Then simply be that person now while he still is alive and that is your answer moving forward. Yes dad sounds difficult but he is your dad and i can tell you love him. Try to be the daughter you want to be rather than the daughter he is making you be. I know it harder than it sounds and maybe he is not deserving of alot of your time. But you are deserving of being a wonderful loving daughter and its all possible with a shift of your outlook. Good thing about this is your in control of the daughter you want to be even tho at times its hard to do.
