Moving forward, medication and relationships.

[kryssie85]

Hi everyone,

I've been seeing a psychologist for a few months and have been taking meds for anxiety and depression for two weeks now. I've been struggling to get over my 8 year relationship with my children's father, which ended about 18 months ago. I started getting depressed when our son was about 6 months old due to having to return to work so early and no support from him. We were getting along ok for a little while a few weeks ago and then his moods changed again so its now back to being horrible again. He would often distance himself from me when I was depressed, which made it worse, and now he does even more so, refusing to discuss things about our children and show any emotional availability for them. I was also dating a man for about a year, but I ended it due to his alcohol consumption and he'd forget things we'd talk about or make up things that I honestly never said to him. Last time we spoke, instead of doing my usual teary thing and apologising, something snapped and I had enough. He said something along the lines of "don't give me that girly s***", and I stood up and said "I'm done, and left," He had earlier been saying he was over the relationship because we didn't have sex as often as he wanted. He was also quite arrogant in his attitude toward women which I found offensive.

And now with my children's father, I've finally put the foot down in regard to whats in our children's best interests. I've always been too scared to do this. I'm a bit worried though, because I feel before the meds I was a doormat, but I don't want to cause conflict or have fights with people. I have very limited friends and support. I'm also feeling kind of zoned out on the meds.

I guess I'm just looking for some advice, or seeing if anyone has had similar experiences? I'm worried that the medication might make everything a lot worse. 😞

[Wednesday]

Hello,

I read your post and was impressed by the strength you are displaying and are developing, well done. Something has clearly made a difference and you are thinking more clearly. You don't deserve to be abused and treated badly, you have plenty on your plate without the additional unhelpful stresses of your ex's.

This is the new stronger non-doormat version of you. It may shake up a few people, so what. All you can be is you and if you are being true to yourself for the first time it may feel a little odd that doesn't make it wrong. Some people will adjust some will move on, but you will at least know who is who in your life.

I'd be surprised if the meds are making it worse. They may have side effects, if you are at all concerned do check in with your doctor.

As a single parent (my babies are now all grown up) it was hard work but incredible rewarding in different ways. I definitely didn't always get it right, it's tough being human!

My suggestion is that you:

• trust yourself
• take some time out
• don't rush anything for now
• love yourself a lot,
• prioritise you and your children and
• the rest will happen when the time is right

This horrid moment in time will change and you will be able to look back and see how much you grew because of it. I know it's hard to believe, but it's true!

I made it and so can you, go girl!

Take care, xx

[kryssie85]

Oh wow thank you!!! I'll really appreciate your post, that was lovely.

I go back to the GP next week to see how the meds are going. All in all though, I'm sleeping better. I have some "foggy" patches at work otherwise big bursts of productivity. I'm smoking less, and I have no drama in looking after the children.

Maybe the new "non-doormat" me is a good thing... 😄

[Wednesday]

Dear non-doormat

You're a star and don't you forget it!

You're very welcome to come back and chat any time. x

[BKind]

Hi kryssie

Well done on the positive action you have been taking!

Your comment about no longer being a doormat really resonated with me. Putting the needs/wants of others ahead of mine was a way of life for me resulting in a very unsatisfying long-term relationship and difficulties at work. Standing up for yourself can be terrifying initially but if you continue to practice (in all aspects of your life) the results will be very rewarding. You can expect that some people will try to attribute (blame?) your new attitude and strength to the depression and/or the medication. Others will understand that depression can be a call to action and will support and encourage your new attitude.

I encourage you to persevere with medication, particular as it is helping with sleep which is a major priority. In my case, the first ADs that I used resulted in aggressive (not assertive) tendencies, which was completely out of character. I was honest with my psychiatrist about this and was switched to a different AD with great results over the past six years. But even on the right AD, it may take a few months for your mood to lift. This can be a tough time, but take it day and day and the eventual lifting of the fog will be life-affirming. You mention big bursts of productivity at work already which is a really encouraging sign.

Take care, B