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Marriage or Soulmate

Morpheus
Community Member

In the collaborative spirit of honesty, I beg no judgement for I am not perfect and I don't pretend to be.

I've been in a marriage of 13 years with two lovely children and a partner with whom we became best friends but drifted apart as a couple.

Two years ago I met a work colleague with whom I started a very quick and deep relationship. She has a boyfriend as well so at the start it seemed a fairly level field. We believe we have fallen in love with each other quite deeply. As emotions run high, we have managed to hurt each other and break each other's hearts. At times it seems out of frustration of not being able to be together.

This brings a destructive behaviour within both. Despite this, we both dream of a future together but as a result of the pain, it also brings out a level of exertion of control on each other (don't go out with your partner, don't post your life all over social media type of things). At times this offering and receiving of control becomes overwhelming and it terrifies me that this is the reality of what a future together is going to be like rather than tge dreams we have.

Then there's my family. The thought of leaving my children terrifies me, especially during those times where my soulmate and I are at each others' throats trying to control and lay blame for each other's actions in an attempt to prevent any further pain.

It is incredibly emotional both on the highs and the lows. I am not sure at this point how to move forward but what I do know is that we both have personal mental health issues that need to be addressed such that we do not cause any further pain or destruction to the other. Despite it all, I believe I do want to be with her.

On the other hand, my wife and I have no animosity, we have just drifted apart as a couple.

Anyone been in a similar situation?

10 Replies 10

Morpheus
Community Member

Hi,

I've been away on this topic for a bit. Situation update as follows: Soulmate was in a dark place and she tried to use emotional manipulation by threatening to hurt herself if I didn't go and "save" her. I didn't succumb and asked her to save herself. Nevertheless, we came through and she has taken some time off and went away for 2 months though we keep in touch on a daily basis. She has offered an ultimatum to leave my family by a certain date or she will walk away. Fair enough but the reality is that our relationship has been damaged and I am not sure that he leaving her partner and me leaving my wife is in any way going to contribute to us being a better couple and achieve what we at some point have dreamt of.

I have always told her that we need to focus on fixing the today before we can focus on any possibility of a future tomorrow but I believe that she runs away from all the damage that she has done whilst grilling me for the damage that I have caused. She has said the most horrible things to me but shies away at the time of being confronted by her actions and her lies.

Why not just walk away? I don't know why it seems that we can't. I cannot imagine a life where I don't know where she is or how she is. It may be the same for her, I don't know.