Maintaining civil relationships after being badly hurt

[CMF]

  I  was divorced with 2 kids then met someone who didnt have kids but always wanted them and still lived at home.  We had a very slow growing relationship, he didn't want to commit completely for several reasons but said wasn't seeing others.he had a ex who still called him every week, he said they still caught up as friends and that she slept over still but nothing between them.  I definitely didn't want to see others, dating is not my thing. he told me yo start as friends then if things progress you officially commit to each other, you actually say it.   our relationship grew, he ever met my kids, didn't think they should be exposed to anything.  he was and still is a commitment phobic. I feel like im rambling, talking all over the place - sorry I have so much on my mind. all of a sudden things just fell into place for us, it was just right and we both knew it without having to say anything, then out of the blue he accused me of infidelity.  I was knocked for six!  I had 2 kids, worked part time and when I wasn;t working was with him.  it was ridiculous.  he refused to believe me I took a week off work to sort this out he badgered and badgered me, I was not going to walk away from him for something I didn't do, then gave me an ultimatum, give him an admission or we cant move forward.  I was so defeated, I couldn't take anymore of his badgering so I made up a story - YES- I gave a FALSE ADMISSION.  but I had no story to back it up so I let him make up the story and I just agreed to whatever he said.  the reasons I gave were valid i.e the the ex girlfriend always ringing etc( but he then denied ever catching up with her), I could have done it but I didn't. I was prepared to wait for the "official commitment" which never came. Funny thing is in my gut I knew he ws going to do something that would ruin us.  we stayted together for another 12 months, neither of us could leave.  he accused me the whole time of infidelity, we fought, we yelled, one day I finally walked away I found something o his phone re his ex I couldbt take it anymore and I walked away.  we didn't speak for a few days then he rang and we saw each other and bang - I'm pregnant!  he wanted the baby but not the relationship - just friends.he accused me the whole pregnancy of seeing someone else- seriously! we have a beautiful girl but I cant forgive him.  I found more on the internet re his ex - an rsvp to a party when we were seeing each other.  he denies going but cant explain it.  so stuck.

[CMF]

Hi Carol and Blue,

Thanks for your suggestions. I had a look at Etsy, I hadn't really looked at it and wasn't aware exactly what it was. It looks great and could be something to look into, so thank you. Yes I could ask local business and drop in to maintain them, that's what I did at my local coffee shop. Also I can than check if any have sold. Everything takes time. I feel pressure as 'he' encourages' me but then says if I go to markets etc people will steal my idea but that could happen to anyone . I really want this to be relaxing for me and a bit of time out not become stressful. I'm keen on markets as I want to see if anyone is really interested, plus markets are fun.

Thanks so much my friends. Hope you are both travelling ok.

cmf

[CMF]

Once you've been hurt,

You're so scared to get attached again,

You have a fear that every person in going to break your heart.

[CMF]

I'm so low at the moment. I've posted on my other thread 'trend, worn out, expected to do everything and not respected' maybe I should have posted it here, I'm not sure? My head is confused at the moment.

[Touille]

Hi CMF,

I hope time will help you feel better, you seem to be a nice person, you need to limit negative people in your life as much as you can.

You have some kids to bring you lots of happiness,but it's also nice to have some nice relationships with adults. It seems to refresh you when you express yourself on here.

If you ever get in a relationship again, you have lots of experience with what to look for in traits and so on. It is definitely hard to trust people again, but our hearts were made to heal. I know a nice woman whose boyfriend cheated on her and beat her, she doesn't trust many men anymore, which is sad as she is a generous, caring and respectful person.

Keep expressing yourself as there are many nice people on here to offer comfort and advice.

It's been a year since I broke up with my girlfriend, but I still have my bad days.

Try and keep active as possible to try and focus on things you enjoy 🙂

Take Care

Touille​

[CMF]

Thank you Touille,

i appreciate your comments. I will be happy again one day. I would like to love again.

youre a very thoughtful person, I can tell from your posts. You too will find love, when you least expect it.

cmf x