Loves me, but not in love with me

[Lostone1]

My partner and I have been living together for 15 months, and recently she told me over the telephone that she loves me, but not in love with me. I'm very confused, and don't no whether to keep trying, as I love this lady very much. I'm feeling lost

[BballJ]

Hi Lostone1,

Firstly, welcome to the forums.

Sorry to read what you are going through.

My first thought would be to sit down and speak with your partner to get a better understanding of why she feels this way and how you can work through it. Every relationship has it's ups and down and this is just a little steeper of a down, but this is where communication is key so you can both work through it. If you both want to fight to save the relationship then possible a relationship counsellor may be needed for both of you.

My best for you,

Jay

[geoff]

hi Lostone, love is such a complicated word, because when we meet someone for the first time the r/ship grows where love is absolute where the two people wouldn't do anything without the other, it's admiration, concern and wanting to help each other in every possible way, even though there maybe disagreements but making up is the best part.
As this r/ship/marriage grows older you still love your spouse/partner but not as much as when you first met, it begins to turn into a caring love which can keep the two of you together, whereas if you are young and want an amicable ending to the r/ship it doesn't mean that you stop loving them, but you aren't in love with them anymore and don't want to be with them forever.
It's sad when this happens but you have to decide whether you want to keep courting her, because that's what love will make you do, but depends on her reaction. Geoff.

[Lostone1]

Hi jay,

Thanks for your suggestions, I no so well communication is the main tool in a relationship.I will talk and listen to my partner and hopefully i can save my relationship. My main issue at the moment is trying to gain employment, seems once you get to certain age it's very hard. My partner has full time work and I feel she looks down on me because I'm not working. Trying to stay positive about getting work and saving my relationship, life seems to throw lots of obstacles at me at the moment. So at the end of the day I'm desperate to get work and safe my relationship. love my lady.

[Lostone1]

Thanks Geoff,

Well at the end of the day, all I can do is my best. listen, talk and hopefully save my relationship. never done anything like this before, chatting to total strangers. as the years go on I think with age I've become softer person, hence talking to strangers. Bottling up emotions of sadness is not gonna help me. Reaching out for suggestions is better then giving up

[BballJ]

Hi Lostone1,

Look the fact you are trying is the main thing, tell her this and show her, you want to save your relationship and will do what it takes, it's not like you're not looking for work so tell her that you are... have you gone to a recruitment agency at all for a little help? Maybe your resume needs a tune up?

I read your reply back to geoff and there is nothing wrong with reaching out to strangers, as you can tell we are all here to help and give advice. This is a non-judgemental zone so well done for having the courage to post and seek help and advice on your personal issue, it is a sign of real strength on your behalf.

My best,

Jay

[Lostone1]

I'm shattered tonight, lost the lady I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, so empty and low

[BballJ]

Hi Lostone1,

My apologies about the delayed response, I haven't been on Beyond Blue for a couple of days. I am very sorry to hear it didn't work out between you and your partner. Maybe giving her some space and letting her think about it is the best approach for the moment. My advice to you also is try and keep yourself occupied by staying busy, be around family and friends to try and take you mind of it.

My best,

Jay