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Lost friendship

Community Member

In the past few years, 2 of my closest friendships have ended & I don't feel any sense of closure. Sometimes I think reaching out to them will help, but there are a hundred reasons why I can't do it. I don't think I could bare the vulnerability. I think I just need to write this to get it out of me and to tell somebody because it's hard to talk about.

My first friend was like a sister to me. We were intensely bonded. We moved in together after we both broke up with our boyfriends and did everything together. But while I was quite depressed and really struggling, she got a new boyfriend really quickly who just sorta.. came over one night and never left. He just moved in. Nothing was said to me. I know she was struggling mentally at the time from trauma in her past and I was really sad because she felt totally distant, barely hanging out, barely even talking when we walked past each other.

When I told her I wanted to move out, she went ballistic on me and attacked me. Things were up & down for a bit, I held it together for her birthday but really I just wanted out. I felt rejected and depressed, because we were so close then all of a sudden it was like she didn't need me anymore. She said I would always come first, and then it was like I had to awkwardly beg her to even watch tv together. The day I moved out, I packed my stuff alone. The next morning, my Dad came to help me move my things. Her and her boyfriend were literally stepping over me as I packed boxes on the ground, not speaking to me.. it was just so weird. She didn't ask where I was going or anything. I felt awful & alone. So I got in my Dads car, and left without saying anything. She sent me pages and pages of messages, listing all the things I'd done wrong in our friendship. I just couldn't believe how self- righteous she was, and I left feeling so whiplashed. She left me with the entire electricity bill to pay on my own and refused to pay her share and tried to even get money out of me for another supposed bill that didn't exist.

I'm so conflicted. In some ways I miss her dearly. In other ways, I feel sick when I think about her. I feel intense guilt for leaving it the way I did. But I didn't know any other way to do it or cope with it. I never replied to her message. I was so shocked and hurt by everything she said, and in my mind, there was no going back from that for me. She was vicious and manipulative and cruel. But I also doubt how 'true' that is. We were friends for almost six years.

1 Reply 1

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi SP, welcome

You said she was manipulative and cruel. I fully understand

Such traits in some people dont appear early on in a friendship. A lessen learned that knowing someone takes time, a long time.

We were best friends with a couple for 20 years. We accompanied them on a round Australia trip. In the outback our car broke down. They left us! When in need.

It turned out the man was jealous of my caravan I built myself but hid his feelings. People would flock around it. He couldnt handle the fact that our little cute van got attention.

Try not to get too attached to people early. People will eat up your goodwill. Also spread your friendship around. Not all eggs in one basket.

Tony WK