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Lonely ,just finding it hard to find any friends

Kidle
Community Member
Hi I am new here, for a very long time have tried to cope in life by icolating myself from people as I have never felt good enough to be considered friend matrial. I am now near fifty and have no real friends whom would want to spend time with me. I consider myself as worthless to others, but so want to change just to find one soul mate in life, don’t we all deserve that, I don’t know how, I am male , but just need some guardian angels to help.. anyone out there ...
21 Replies 21

BballJ
Community Member

Hi Kidle,

Firstly, welcome to the forums. Well done for reaching out for some support, it is never easy.

There are many people who have come onto these forums in similar positions to yourself and it is never a question that is easy to answer. Is there anything you enjoy doing where you can meet new people, something as simple as playing golf, or poker or anything that has a team environment, even maybe some volunteer work to meet likeminded people. You are never too old to make friends in my opinion.

I think one thing to know is that you have come to a very good forum and you will find many kind people here who just want to talk and listen to what you have to say which we hope helps you as well.

My best for you,

Jay

Ellie05
Community Member

Hi Kidle,

We do all deserve that.

I don't know if you're a handyman or not, but try looking into Men's Shed. It was an initiative brought about to reduce loneliness and social isolation amongst men. There seem to be a lot of active groups on their site.

Another thing could be to try your local community centre. They often have social things on or classes for adults etc.

If you haven't already, It's also worthwhile speaking to your GP about getting a referral to see a psychologist. They might be able to give you some techniques to help overcome your lack of self worth. No one deserves to feel like that.

LuLu_
Community Member

I feel similarly. That I am not good enough. I isolate myself.

But I believe in you and I believe in your worth. I think anyone would be lucky to have you as a friend. I give you my best wishes.

I wish I could fix everything for you. But I suppose only we can do that. Something I find hard to do or even think about.

I wish you the very best of luck

lulu

Kidle
Community Member
Thanks everyone so far, thanks Lulu , just nice to take one small step. I am only an ave guy with no real skills in the world to join a group with any self confidence, I do have empathy and a warm soul, and I am trying to seek that link of friendship, it’s been years since I have even been invited somewhere just to have a coffee with someone, always putting others before me but I am the lonely one, will be blessed with what ever support I can get here ...

Dear Kidle

Hello and welcome. Many of the people who post here have the same difficulty as you. Browse the forum and see what people are talking about. It's easy to join in a conversation and it may help to brush up your talking skills. Whether you write a short message or a long one you are still joining in

The replies above have some good ideas to meet people. Mens Shed was set up for that reason but you may not have one in your area. Try searching on the internet for information. Volunteering is also good option. I presume you are still working? How do you get on with your colleagues? Do you talk to your neighbours? Do any of them need small jobs completing but have no one to do them?

Ellie suggests talking to a psychologist about your feelings of unworthiness. It's a good idea if you believe you can never forma friendship and a chat with your GP may help to make this decision. I think you will regain your skills simply by talking to people but of course the question is how do you start talking.

Your local library may host a book club or other group events. Again a good idea to check out. Think about what interests you and find a group that does this.

Perhaps you would like to continue posting here. That's great.

Mary

Hi Kidle , and l'm sorry about your sitch and feelings.

Were you married earlier or ? If nt , interested in female company at all maybe you could try a date site or asking the single lady up the road out or something. You might be more suited to just that one on one thing with a partner rather than lots of friends,

Maybe the mens shed idea might also be worth a shot to for some male contact, won't matter how handy or not you are and the taking up a hobby thing also.

Anyway , one thing l learned early in life is you'll be amazed at who will enjoy talking with you and listening and your company and also at the difference it can make to just start being a bit more friendly, neighbors , shops, people you know. try a bit of convo with people, some will take notice and enjoy it , some won't. lt's never everyone but ya don't worry about them.

Good luck.

BballJ
Community Member

Hi Kidle,

I don't think you need any skills to join a group, it is just being yourself and having the ability to listen to people. I know it is a lot easier said than done. I do encourage you to join the BB Café part of these forums as that is just for people seeking comfort in simply talking to people without talking about anything mental health related, you may find it useful.

My best,

Jay

Andymac
Community Member

Hi, your post strikes a chord with a lot of people and really sorry to hear you're feeling worthless as a person.

from my point of view I saw my doctor and was referred to a psychologist and that was really very helpful. I also did some hypnotherapy and that was great for getting my self esteem back.. I wish you all the best.

writing here on this forum is a great thing to do also, you are not alone...

Mary_Ploppins
Community Member
I know exactly how you feel, ive lived with an overbearing husband of 28 years who would not allow me to talk to anyone so i have never been able to have friends, i have not even been allowed to talk to anyone. so i feel how awkward it can feel.Good luck .