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Lonely and lost

Community Member

Hello (it’s my first time posting!)

I’ve been struggling with my family life + friend life these past 6months.

Recently, my grandfather suddenly passed away and I’ve been focused on grandmother to give them support. I was very close to my grandparents more than my parents growing up. I had never experienced a close family member passing away before this, and decided to distance myself from engaging in friends as I didn’t feel like myself + didn’t want to express my negative thoughts + started brooding over whether my friends could even tell if I was upset at all.

I haven’t talked to any of my “best” friends about this and instead sought comfort in friends I’ve only met a few times.

Just being around people I knew made me uncomfortable.

I used to enjoy going out, doing art... But it’s no longer enjoyable.

I’m lost because I want to talk to my “best” friends. But upon getting into miscommunication problems with them earlier on, I told them that “I wanted to take a step back from friendships and hope they could take the extra step forward”... But as a result, they haven’t talked to me in over a month. (We used to talk every day)

I would appreciate any advice on what direction I should go towards. I’m honestly lost.

Thank you for your time.

1 Reply 1

Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hi Ayu,

I am deeply sorry for the loss of your beloved grandfather. He sounds like he meant so much to you. You clearly had a very special connection and bond. You must miss him terribly; your love runs deep and losing him so unexpectedly would have been heart breaking...

The past 6 month sound particularly rough. I can understand why you kept your friends at a distance since your grandfather’s passing. But it sounds like maybe you miss them now, and perhaps want to start re-connecting but don’t know how...

I am guessing maybe your friends are feeling confused or respecting your need for space (hence not hearing from them). Maybe you could call them or send them a casual text saying “I’m sorry I haven’t been in touch. I have been struggling a lot since my grandfather’s passsing. But I really miss you and I hope we can talk things through” and suggest to meet in person to talk. It doesn’t have to be in those exact words but what I’m suggesting is to gently find a way to reconnect...

Also, I was wondering if you might like to give GriefLine a call (you should be able to find their number online). They are a not-for-profit organisation that has a helpline dedicated to helping people with grief and loss. I feel it might be nice for you to have a caring ear to hear you out...

Plus of course, you’re most welcome to continue writing here on the forums. There’s no obligation or pressure but if you find it cathartic, please don’t hesitate to share your worries and other feelings, ask for suggestions, vent, etc. We are here for you...

Gentle and kind thoughts,