Hi Bayaami!
Thank you for reaching out and sharing your experiences here. I am 50 and in a kind of similar position. In late 2019 I moved in with my mother to take care of her for the last 11 months of her life. A bit over a year after that I moved to a small country town, which turned out to be not a great decision for me. I have really struggled to make connections here and it has not been great for my mental health and social well-being. While still in the city, I did similar things to you, including dating sites and community groups, trying to find connection. It never really quite worked for me either, though I think if I had stayed there or moved to a larger town, there would still have been more opportunities than here. I can also relate to being that person that others come to for advice but otherwise feeling alone. Most people in this town around my age are in a family situation and are busy with their lives. I have felt like a bit of a misfit and not known how to begin to belong. I just wanted to share my own experience so that you know you are not alone in what you are going through.
In terms of what to do about it, I think staying close to the things that really mean something to you can help. For example, I love music and photography, and I feel like if I just keep following those interests I will at some point find some people to connect with. I did recently visit another town where there was a concert with various singer- songwriters and I met up with someone there by chance who I had done volunteer work with previously. That was really nice, and I could feel a sense of warmth with the people in the room. I actually almost cried during the concert, I think just through the meaningfulness of being with other people and the performers sharing their hearts and stories through music. So I think in some ways it is about persistence and connecting with what you love. Do you have any particular interests or things you love doing? I think staying close to the things that feel most meaningful to you might be the answer to eventual connection.
Simply getting out and about regularly may open up opportunities too. For example, the one real friend I have made in this town happened when I went for a walk one day and was resting on a bench by the path. This nice person came along with her dog and asked if she could sit with me for a while. I said yes, and we talked for over an hour there. So sometimes it is by chance that we meet someone and have a genuine conversation and connect. I know a few people who have met friends and partners because they have a dog and they were somewhere like the dog beach where they got chatting with someone. I don't know if you have a dog or would want one, but having one (if you want to) can certainly help with loneliness, and even with future connections.
I'm not sure if that helps much, but I just wanted you to know that you aren't alone in that experience of loneliness. I think we are at a bit of a difficult age for meeting new people when many in their 50s are settled. I think just continuing to engage in life and have friendly chats with the people we meet can help us along the way, and hopefully, via probability, sooner or later, we will encounter meaningful new friends and future partners. Trying some volunteer opportunities may be helpful too, but I've learned over the years from doing this that it's important to choose things you really want to do as well. I think the more you follow your own heart the more likely you are to make the right connections.
Wishing you the best and happy to chat further if you would like to,
Eagle Ray
