Loneliness, anxiety and worried ill never be happy

[Amali]

Recently I have been overwhelmed by this intense loneliness. Over the last two and bit years I have split with my partner who I thought I was going to marry and have kids with, I moved towns to start a new. I thought that I would find someone who would treat me better than my ex, I told my ex this when we split and he told me he just wanted me to be happy.

I haven't had any luck finding a new partner, I've made new friends, joined a sporting team and I have been putting myself out there but I get so sad and lonely when I think about not having a relationship. It's like a gaping whole in my life.

The few guys I have met seem to be even more immature than my ex and just don't follow through with any kind of commitment. When it doesn't work out with anyone I crave my ex and have feelings of regret that I left someone who loved me and wanted to marry me.

I really want to have kids sooner rather than later, I just turned 30. I dont want that to be the reason to find a partner, I want something meaningful and a real connection, I want to fall in love again but I'm so anxious about not finding that and always wondering "what if"

any thoughts on this would be helpful.

Amali

[Touille]

Hi Amali,

Welcome to the forums.

I'm sorry things didn't turn out with your ex, it can be truly heartbreaking especially all the good memories and the hope of a future together.

Life can be lonely at times, but trying to find a partner in a hurry can be risky too. Try and develop yourself more and write down what qualities you want in a future husband. Your ex never treated you well, so looking backwards isn't an option, it wasn't meant to be.

I meet couples all the time who say they met while not looking for someone, it happens.

I broke up from my GF last year and I know the feeling of loneliness and wondering about the future.

We just have to be patient, you will find the right guy one day, a mature, responsible, caring guy who will be a good hubby, it's better to wait for the right person than have a life full of pain.

A bitter ending is better than a lifetime of bitterness with the wrong person.

I hope my message helped you.

Take Care

Hugs,

Touille

[Zeal]

Hi Amali,

Touille has already given some great words of wisdom, so I thought I'd provide a few links. Reading different perspectives will hopefully help. I know it does for me. If not, then reflect on Touille's advice. If you'd like to talk further about how you're feeling or to seek more opinions, you can post back here whenever you like.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/ross-a-rosenberg/loneliness_b_4648417.html

http://www.counseling.ufl.edu/cwc/how-to-deal-with-loneliness.aspx (an American university page with good tips)

Consider seeing a counsellor about your anxieties - it could make a huge difference.

Best wishes,

Zeal

[SourceShield]

Hi Amali,

Loneliness can suck, right?

But, life is all about our perspective and how we perceive life...be willing and open to learning how to look at life in a new way.

Shift focus onto something else like a hobby or volunteer work or whatever youre into, give into it, and let all your feelings flow into that thing...sooner or later you wont feel lonely anymore, or sad...you'll be stronger!

And wiser.

And happier.

And, that'll attract the kinda man that you really deserve!

Thats my two cents worth.

MuchLove and Have Fun!