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Loneliness and shame

Panda70
Community Member
My beautiful wife has left me. My 14yo son no longer stays with us (stays with his mum's/my first wife now). My 11yo can't stay with us now due to all the drama. This is all due to my anger. Not violence but anger although any anger is violence I guess. I have no one to turn too. I literally have no one as I suffer from social anxiety and therefore have no contacts. I have been unemployed for 5 1/2 months due to the social anxiety and a condition called Hyperidrosis which means I basically sweat (out of my face/head) regardless of temp. I am so alone. My wife will not even speak to me or message me and that pain is unbearable. When we met 6 years ago after my divorce she was my shining light that there was hope. The pain of not being with her is unbearable and I dont know what to do.
6 Replies 6

Doolhof
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hi Panda,

Your sorrow and pain is strong in the words you have written and shared here. It must be really hard having experienced all that has happen to you recently.

Do you feel personally safe? By that, are you so depressed that you wonder what you might do sometimes?

Would you feel comfortable talking with a Dr about how you are feeling and ask to see a counsellor or a psychologist?

Anger issues are something I have had trouble with in the past and sometimes still do! It is not good when it builds up so much inside of you that you feel like you are about to explode!

I have been told to control my anger, but no one has really been able to tell me how that is possible.

Would you consider talking to someone at Beyond Blue on 1300 22 4636 for some strategies on how to cope in your current situation?

Are there things in your life that you do usually enjoy that you could try to implement?

I have asked a lot of questions! You do not have to answer them. They are for you to consider.

I welcome you to the forums and hope you are able to receive some assistance, acknowledgement and care here.

Regards from Dools

Panda70
Community Member

Thanks for replying. I am not in a good position no and have spoken to Lifeline and the chat on here. I have spoken to a dr and have spoken to a counsellor before. All take initial interest but then tend to lose interest.

At the moment I find it difficult to even leave my bedroom let alone go outside. I lost 6kg in the past week and a half. I am not after sympathy. I don't deserve that. The shame is unbearable and the grief from losing my wife and kids is quite simply unbearable.

Hi Panda,

I would like to encourage you to keep talking to people and keep writing here if it helps you. There have been times when I have called Life Line, Beyond Blue and any other support number I could get my hands on...all in the same day!

Do you have food in the house? You have certainly lost a of weight. If you are having trouble getting out of bed, are you eating at all? Are there places near you that do home deliveries of food if you need it? Some supermarkets do home deliveries for a cost.

I am sorry to read of your grief and shame and believe all people need to have their issues acknowledged and validated. These are tough issues that hopefully you can find help to deal with.

Today, is it possible for you to get up, shower, put on clean clothes and have something to eat. If you need to, go back to bed and then try to get up for a while again this afternoon.

Is there anyone there you can talk to, who may be able to help you through this? Are other family members supportive and understanding?

I know this sounds cliché, but sometimes it is just a case of living one moment at a time, trying to make one positive change after another. One4 moment, one hour, one day at a time. It can be hard!

By the way, I do think you deserve understanding, caring thoughts and yes, even sympathy. We all do.

Hoping you are able to do one thing to help yourself today.

Regards from Dools

Hang10
Community Member

Hi Panda70

Hope you feel a bit better today, Thoughts are with you in this tough tough time.

Doolhof has lovely offer great advice and care. A gem of Beyond Blue. All her words have great merit.

Do you get to speak to your son over the phone, I hope in some ways you get to keep in contact with him.

Calling up for help is nothing to be ashamed off. Like Doolhof I too have had to ring up for help. They are there to help you get back to your feet and to be yourself.

You been so brave with your medical condition it would be so frustrating and hard. You are strong.

Anger management is hard, do you think yoga or some sort of meditation would help. Their so many great books too that might help. Keep chipping away on these things. I believe that you can control better with managing your anger. You got this !!!.

All my best. Chin up.

Hang 10

Panda70
Community Member
No I dont speak to my kids. I cant. It is too painful. I'm tired of fighting everything. I am just tired.

Hi Panda,

It sounds like life is really tough for you and you are struggling. I have been in that place for different reasons, and know how hard it can be to find any sense of purpose and meaning.

It can take a lot of hard work and determination to get moving again. It may seem really difficult, it is possible.

Is there one thing you can do today that might help you to feel a little better about yourself?

Sometimes I look for funny clips on the computer to watch. I find myself laughing at times when I thought that would never be possible again.

Can you write letters to your children? Even if you don't post them right now, writing can be such great therapy.

Maybe in time you will find a way to connect with your children, despite the pain.

If you are feeling really overwhelmed, would you consider going tot he hospital and asking for help? I know that is daunting. I have done it and have been thankful in the end I did so.

Hope you find some answers and ways to move forward.

All the best from Dools