Loneliness and hopelessness after separation

[Jo97]

I am struggling to cope with being alone after a separation. Its been nearly 4 months and I feel completely lost. I don't have anyone I can call or visit at any time - the loneliness is unbearable. I have no hope and feel disconnected from everything and everyone. I feel like I'm hanging on by a thread. I feel no joy, nothing good.

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

In 1996, following my separation (2 kids) I was in grief for 8 weeks. I'd lost my home, full time fatherhood, neighbours, dog, town, ended up in a caravan park in a 10 foot caravan and kids every 2nd weekend. What happened after 8 weeks? Within 24 hours it all changed- I spotted a cheap block of land. Suddenly I was excited, finally a new direction. I won the auction and began looking at kit homes. I worked shift work security and spent spare time cleaning up the land ready for the house and indeed I built it myself.

I learned the greatest asset in those times was distraction. I noted you dont have anyone to visit and chat to, sorry about that, must be hard, so can I suggest even if you dont follow footy go attend a few games anyway, even if you dont like go karting, slot cars, tennis, whatever- go anyway.

Group therapy is also great, meeting others, helping others like we do here, help wont come to you, you must seek it.

Life can and usually does work itself out, you need to give it time and fill your life with activities. In my case I made myself so busy I no longer thought of my ex and her narcissistic ways. The advantage also was I built myself a house!. So whatever effort you make it means you will be rewarded by new friends and a new life.

The following thread i some tips on how to cope.

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/staying-well/the-best-praise-you'll-ever-get

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/relationship-and-family-issues/the-grief-of-separation

Repost anytime.

TonyWK

[geoff]

Hello Jo, I'm sorry about your separation because there are many of us who have had to go through this process themselves, and at first it's not pleasant, but may needed to be done for your own reasons.

We need to accept that a new world awaits us, we don't know what friends will stay in touch with us or be jointly shared between the ex and ourselves, but hopefully all the past will be forgotten, but this may take some time to reunite with the people you once knew and they may be waiting until you decide to contact them, first.

If this is not the case, then slowly other friendships will develop, your next door neighbour or the people you continually met down the street while shopping, but will only happen when you are able to express your interest in something they do, by connecting your eyes with theirs and saying something.

It's not easy and understand that it can be difficult and please have a look at the links Tony has provided which may help you.

If you have moved areas then you might need to find another doctor, this is very important to use as a back-stop.

I found just sitting on a bench seat down the street to be good because normally the same people sit there every day as well and so much information is told amongst them all, plus it slowly gives you some stability.

We want to help you overcome this feeling of being alone.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

[Sophia16]

Hi,

Welcome to the Beyond Blue forums and thank you for being open here. It sounds like you are struggling with all the loneliness. You have been very strong throughout this.

You mentioned you have no one to visit. Do you have any close friends or family that you can speak to about this?

Do you have a coping plan to help you deal with all the negative thoughts?

Stay safe and i am always here to chat.