Loneliest at Christmas

Ness_ · ‎22-12-2016

I am trying to find support groups in the Mornington Pensinsula that would be enable me to start meeting people who are like me. I do have family living quite close by, but over the years, with the death of both of my parents, not maintaining contact etc. I feel like a 50 year old orphin. I have one child, who is now 30 and has moved back with me for a short while to finish his studies. I pay 3/4 of rent and bills. I organised a Christmas lunch for both of us, relieved that I had him to spend Christmas with. He has just let me know that we are to take separate cars on the day as after our lunch he is heading off with his friends for the next few days. This has really hurt me, the lateness in changing plans is going to leave me totally alone on Christmas night, something I was trying to avoid. I can't reach out to acquaintances and other family members because it is so embarrassing to admit that I'm lonely. This feeling of loneliness has been with me since I arrived back in Victoria after leaving my relationship in Queensland, where I lived for 7 years. I have tried but I've found it so hard to make new friends, as most people have an established friendship group or bigger families they spend their time with. I work full time and I am now beginning my holidays and without the social contact of work I feel it is going to be very lonely. I miss not being able to talk through things with others and get some feedback and support. The more time I spend alone, the harder it is to do activities on my own that create opportunities to meet people as I think that I begin to develop slight social anxiety. I am unable to get a pet for company as I currently rent and it is not approved. The last couple of days I have been feeling quite hopeless and tired. I just have no interest in things. I know without action my situation wont change but I'm a bit lost as to the best place to begin. I am currently not speaking with my son and I'm unsure whether I will attend on Christmas. I don't fancy driving back from the city alone on Christmas day. I know I am not alone feeling worse and Christmas. I would appreciate the comments of others who may be able to understand where I'm at.

Ness_ · ‎24-12-2016

Good move with the Christmas tree:) Keep it real. Watching a funny movie. They have been on back to back in the background, I haven't just sat all day. Nothing about Christmas! I hope your daughter surprises you tomorrow.

Did some things today, moving around helps.

Better than a few days ago...thank you. Hope you have a reasonable day tomorrow.

Ness_ · ‎24-12-2016

Croix,

thank you for your comments, much appreciated. I am using some of the time I have to work out what I need to do to change my situation and how I am feeling about it. Christmas is pretty confronting in showing you just where you have put your energies into. There are many factors over the past couple of years as to why I am at the point I am, like most other people I would imagine. I will continue to communicate with others on here and hopefully say something useful to someone lol I was taught as a child that weakness and neediness was not O.K., so I guess I find it hard to reach out for fear that I appear in this way. Thank you for your help

blondguy · ‎24-12-2016

Hey Ness

Thanks for understanding that I put up a mini tree thats actually hard to see 🙂

You have great courage and inner strength by reaching out......and good on you!

I was hesitant like you wouldnt believe when I started posting (actually didnt have the guts you have by creating my own thread lol)

The people on the forums are just like us Ness 🙂 Really happy that you are here during Christmas..

Thanks too for the positive wishes re my daughter...Very much appreciated

and well done today too with using gentle occupation and having some time for yourself

you are definitely not alone here Ness

Paul

Ness_ · ‎24-12-2016

Hi Paul,

well the tears did flow about an hour ago, but I feel better now. My son text me to say he has changed his plans and can now spend Christmas (day) with me. He thought about what I said...that Christmas is family time. I never see him other than that. He went through a tough period recently and I was totally there for him. So hurt that he has put me through misery for the past few days that I did not accept it. I told him to keep with his original plans. I feel unforgiving but I do not want to spend time with him if it is under sufferance and the way I feel now, I will be working hard to put together a smile on Christmas day. I completely know I have so much to be grateful for compared to some others, but like any depression, it's hard to see past your own pain. Thank you for your positive message and you are not alone with having to absorb everything as a parent. I don't think that we are allowed to ever break or show human needs lol. My Christmas tree was just put up today and really hard to do. I just flung some tinsel and ball balls on. No interest or energy for the tree either!

Ahhh,, I knew I was going to be up and down for the next few days.

Croix · ‎24-12-2016

Dear Ness#

As you know I have been following your posts with sympathy. I'd like your forgiveness for being presumptuous and saying I feel you have made a mistake.

I know that I'm not familiar with all the facts. That being said if it was me I'd be back on to my son for a couple of reasons.

Firstly if he has thought about what you said and made an offer as a result it should be encouraged. Things said and done now last for a long time. If he learns his father can be hasty it will surely do no lasting harm.

Secondly it would most probably do you (and him) good to spend the time together, and reinforce your relationship with him as well

Either way I wish you the best

Croix (whose son has regarded him as downright silly in the past)

TiredDownOut · ‎25-12-2016

Dear Ness#

I've only started reading this thread today and just want to give you a shout-out - I hope that you are travelling okay today and that you are relaxing and enjoying time with your son. The day will soon be over. I've always found this time of year difficult since I was a child. This year I have to share my only child with her boyfriend today and it's tough! Just waiting for them to arrive for lunch.

Also sharing today with my husband who in the new year is going interstate to work, and my cantankerous 82 y.o. mother who I reluctantly invited to come away with us for a few days because I knew how guilty i would feel if I didn't! Unfortunately my mother is the source of many unpleasant Christmas childhood memories. The things we do to ourselves to keep others happy!

I hope that today turns out much better than you thought it would. I think the build up to Christmas is a lot like a whistling kettle. It will soon be over for another year.

Sending happy thoughts your way, take care.

Juls xx