Living with a pathological liar

[Blitzzz]

20 years is a long time living with a pathological liar there’s no trust I don’t think there was ever any trust to begin with and It’s crippling my mental health had a massive meltdown in front of my kids today the worst ever could have been a mental breakdown,

feeling excruciating guilty that my kids experienced this, I grew up in an unhealthy environment and I know exactly the trauma I caused to them

I feel emotionally drained and physically exhausted I took medication to calm down

i don’t know how to move on I feel trapped in this controlling marriage

[Rabbit33]

Hi Blitzzz,
I am so sorry to hear you're having such a hard time and feeling trapped.

First thing i'd recommend is try removing the word 'Trapped' from your vocabulary. The more we focus on negative context and use negative expressions, the harder it is to break-free. You always have options. Sometimes they are not easy, they require patience, hard work and a bit of struggling but they are ALWAYS worth it and things ALWAYS get better!

If you're taking medication, i assume you are seeing a doctor or psychiatrist? I think the best thing to do is make an appointment with them tomorrow to express your feelings and where you're at. They can assist a lot and even provide services for you to support you through a tough relationship or a break-up / separation.
If you're not too tired yet, write down how you are feeling.
Maybe write down a pro's and con's list in regard to your relationship with your partner and be honest, and see how it weighs up. Take this with you to your appointment?

Don't feel guilty for breaking down in front of your children. I'm sure they love you and it is 100% ok to not be okay! When you're feeling better, maybe sit with them and have a chat about mental health. Take them with you to an appointment with your treating doctor so they have a better understanding, but always let them know you love them. A lot of us deal with mental health and have break-downs, it is a part of life so there is nothing to be ashamed of. We're not super hero's, we're all just trying to do our best with what we have and be as happy as we can be along the way.

Instead of looking at it as 1 BIG problem, try breaking it down into 10, and then breaking those down slightly and write them down. Work through them 1 by 1 at your own pace and have a support group with you. When my mother went through the breakup with my Dad, due to cheating, lying etc. She was extremely broken and fragile. She participated in groups, with people like her and had group therapy, activities, read heaps of self - help books. and now she is in an amazing place. Re-married, with a lovely man. Happy, and although it was tough. It was worth it.
Please see your doctor tomorrow and go over things with him. I'm happy to keep an eye out on this post and respond and offer further support if need be.

Just remember to breathe! big Breaths! You've got this! I believe in you, you just need to believe in yourself. 🙂

Sending you heaps of positive vibes! 🙂

[geoff]

Hello Blitzzz, welcome to the site.

20 years is such a long time to live with a liar, because you are never sure and don't know what is the actual truth.

Trust is broken as soon as your spouse keeps lying to you, you are never sure what to believe because it’s only natural to doubt almost everything they say and whatever has been said has now affected you so badly that you've had a breakdown, this isn't any good for your health.

Being deceptive could be in all areas of the partnership, financial, personal activities, social life and also involve you to things on the false pretence.

Firstly you need to see your doctor, I know you're taking medication, but you can let us know about this, and secondly, you have to make a decision, because a leopard never changes its spots, especially after 20 years, so how can you change a liar.

The trust has been broken, not once, not twice but so many times and you've been disappointed more than enough, that's finally caused you to need medical help.

I hope to hear back from you.

Geoff.

[Natalia123]

I am so sorry to hear that you are going through 20 years of pathological lies from someone so close to you. I cannot imagine what you are going through. But just know the online forums are here to support you!

[Doog]

Hi Blitzz, the word pathological liar is familiar to me, in the worst ways I knew possible in a 15 yr relationship with 2 kids. The first thing that comes to mind is the emotional abuse to you that led to your emotional breakdown. There is a blanket over emotional abuse in society, and those of us not fronting Casualty from a severe bashing, are often cast aside in the domestic abuse arena.

You must however make changes to your life. Seek a domestic violence counsellor and explain your situation. Being in danger of a bashing is no more dangerous than being in danger of suicide, mental breakdown or being dosed with medications that more or less drown the person you used to be. Will you let him damage you to that extent?

Don't give him that much power. Take back your power to be a mum, then work with counsellors and support groups to start a new life. I mistakenly declined their help in the beginning because I couldn't believe what pathological liars are capable of. Please don't believe that man is the one you fell in love with. They are no longer the same person. If they were, they would climb mountains to see you not in pain. These voltures have no empathy and if you have noticed feel no guilt? Get help NOW. Stay strong for your children and for yourself.