Hi AuntieMumma
Congratulations on becoming a kinship carer. I suspect this act of selfless kindness will become the most rewarding thing you’ve ever done. Well done to you.
It’s a shame your little guy is having trouble at school and it’s definitely something that needs attention. The additional stresses of school—academic demands, friendship issues, environmental constraints, behavioural standards—could explain why he can hold himself together at home but not at school.
I understand you’re concerned about how you can support his teachers, but I think the real question is how can his teachers better support him.
I would request a meeting with the school and if they have a wellbeing officer or psychologist ensure this person is also invited. Talk to any professional involved with your foster son and gather some advice/insights to add to your own, so you’re prepared for the meeting.
It could be that your foster son would benefit from extra attention in the classroom via an aid, or it could be that he needs a safe space to go when he’s becoming distressed (before the tantrum) like maybe the library under the librarian’s supervision or that he needs reasonable adjustments to his academic program (eg take the pressure off him) or movement breaks or flexible seating (perhaps he could stand or have a “wiggle” cushion) or something entirely different.
The best way to deal with school is to be non-adversarial in your approach. You need them on side and will to help.
So you go into the meeting with a Wishlist of what you think he needs and negotiate with school to see what they are willing and able to do.
Does this make sense to you?
I’m talking as a mum who has had many interactions with schools to organise support for my child who lives with a mental health condition.
Please post any time.
Kind thoughts to you
