Ive wasted my time falling in love

[Corella]

Ive been dating a guy for 10 months. After long time being friends.

Ive realised he is continuing to reach out to other women, and didnt think to ask if we are exclusive.

Honestly, i thought he liked me a lot. Naive of me. Ive fallen in love for the guy. Im 43 and little relationship experience. I am not attracted to many men but i was to him. I dont know how to approach him about it, to ask if he wants a relationship with me...

or should i just cut my loses? It hurts. I dont think ill find someone else..

plus Im childless, not married and depressed.

[WaterFront]

Hi Corella,

I'm sorry to hear you have uncertainty about the intentions of the guy you have been dating. Reading through your post, I'm thinking communication is the key to the unease you are feeling. The only way you are going to know for sure is by asking the question. You may not hear the answer you want possibly but at least you will know the answer and you can decide what you are prepared to accept from this person. Just walking away might seem easier but it also might be a missed opportunity. You won't know unless you ask. The alternative is to let things go along as they have been which seems to be making you feel unhappy.

I hope this helps. Please let us know how you go if you are feeling up to it.

WaterFront

[quirkywords]

Corella

It is so sad at any age and with any experience to feel the person you have been dating is not who you thought they were.

By reaching out to other women do you mean texting or maybe arranging a date or is he friendly with women. if you feel you can ask him to answer your questions truthfully.

I have been married, had relationship and still been let down and I did feel naive.

You are a worthwhile person and you deserve to be treated well.

[Guest_3256]

Hi Corella.

If you haven't talked about how you feel for him, why don't you give it go.

From a male perspective, if he isn't aware of the feelings you have for him, it's not going to be unusual for him to be exploring his options.

[Elsam]

After 10 mths you should be able to ask him about his feelings and where you stand

It is so hard and plays with your emotions when you have feelings for someone.

How does he feel and does he tell you how he feels?

I know how you feel, I am hopelessly in love with a guy too and we have dated and been intimate but he is not giving me any signs although he is overseas at the moment and has said Hope to reconnect when he comes back.

[geoff]

Hello Corella, and a warm welcome.

Those above me have given you some great replies.

If you have been dating this chap for 10 months then you need to ask him what's going on, there won't be any achievement by being the third party, in other words, watching him 'reach out' to other women, but what I would query is, if this has been happening in the 10 months you have been together, this may answer your question.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

[Corella]

Many thanks for your replies. Im terrified of having the talk. I feel like i know he doesnt want a relationship but i want to hear that from him. I dont know yet wat ill do

[Guest_1584]

Hi op .

lt is a real toughie bc if he is chatting up other women then it's probably a no and that's gonna hurt even more if you did ask. But there's a slight chance it might not be a no, maybe he thinks you weren't interested or something , l know that is pretty slight butttt, at least you'll know 100% either way if you do talk to him.

Good luck anyway. rx

[geoff]

Hello Corella, I agree with RX, hold your breath and ask him why he spends so much time with other women and if he doesn't give you a responsible or an affectionate answer that will convince you, then this may be the answer you're looking for.

If you somehow feel good about spending time together but he's not putting in the effort or trying harder in getting to know you, he probably may have different ideas because it's not necessarily how he feels, it's whether or not you're chasing someone who has other ideas of connecting with other people.

Sometimes you don't have to even ask, it's what they do that indicates their intention, so please don't punish yourself. the writing may well be on the wall.

Take care.

Geoff.