Issues in life stemming from family upbringing!

[DJPTigerland140414]

Some of us weren't blessed with the best family life or upbringing etc. We don't get a hand in choosing who our parents are but its amazing to see how different people turn out due to their upbringing. Im not blaming my problems on my parents but can see how my upbringing has contributed to the issues that I still suffer from today. Parents are so important in moulding their children into the people they will become one day and they need to realize this responsibility they own.

I was continually called all sorts of derogatory names that dented my self esteem and confidence day by day by day. It never really hit me until I was older the impact it had and still has. Having a parent who is a scientologist conducting weird mind altering exercises on you and making you read the literature against your wishes also doesn't help. Being the supposed bad seed in the house everything that went wrong if the other members denied it it was punishment until I confessed. Confessing to crimes you didn't commit isn't right. Every little mistake you made being such as not making bed, not hanging bathroom towel over rack evenly on both sides, putting clothes in basket folded inside out and not washing a glass etc being rewarded with lines or fines makes people into nervous wrecks and still does to this day.

Being told to not tell your father anything or your going to get makes someone scared to act. Getting called every name under the sun and then ignored for 12 months when you dropout of university by the man you looked up to all of your life doesn't help you progress as a human being and person.

Parents be aware your actions do have consequences for people even long after they are out of your life. Through many years of councilling my hate has disappeared but I am aware of why I am the way I am and am still trying to break through these barriers. Councilling is so rewarding and I encourage anyone to use this service it really helped me off the canvas.

I don't talk to any of my family except my brother and sister which is a real shame when it comes to Christmas etc every year and you see happy families everywhere but it is what it is I guess you can only play the hand you are dealt. I believe family or not if someone is a negative influence on your life don't have them in it.

This is not a sob story or someone looking for sympathy its a message to any parents out there kids are sponges and look up to you. Be someone to look up to and guide them down the right path.

[Croix]

Dear DJPTigerland140414~

Parents come in all shapes and sizes, I can relate to no longer having contact, sad but sometimes very necessary.

In my own case I came from a religious and status aware family and was disinherited over my proposed marriage. Frankly it was the best thing that could have happened. While not put down or abused as you were I was expected to be in my parents' mould, an insidious expectation that comes about by allowing little independent thought or value judgments.

I guess both of us do have a role model - one to take as an example of what not to do. Finding that my parents considered the church, obedience and their standards were more important than love was a harsh realization, but has spurred me on to ensure I do not do the same with my offspring, and has given me a more tolerant outlook as a result.

I was very please to read in another of your threads about being married to "the most awesome girl in the world", it is great that your parents have not manged to poison your ability to give and receive love and trust.

Croix

[DJPTigerland140414]

Hey Croix,

Thanks for the reply its interesting to see how we feel the same way although having different upbringings. You were made to think and feel a certain way which I see as psychological abuse.

"one to take as an example of what not to do" is absolutely spot on we both will know the way not to parent as we have lived through these circumstances.

I suppose in every negative there is a positive it sounds like you are a very level headed person which is great to read. You seem to be guiding your children on the right path which I hope to do one day when I have them.

My wife is the best thing to happen to me and I made that happen In my life.

Good luck with your journey and thanks again for the reply.

Dan