I am in a fairly new relationship (about 6 months). I am starting to feel like my partner (we're both in our mid thirties) and I have different intimacy needs. I feel I need more intimacy than they do. I'm a person who feels closeness and acceptance and love for my partner through intimacy, and it's important to me. Of course, that's not the only thing important to me but it's an important part to know that we have a good connection in that way. For the last month or so they have not been the initiator at all - I don't mind sometimes initiating but I can't help but feel like I'm asking for too much when I'm the only one to ever do that now - that I'll come across as being too forward and needy. Sometimes we will start doing things (in situations in which I think one would reasonably think things might lead to something) but they often stop quite abruptly before it goes anywhere and say to me, eg 'good night [my name], I love you' and then promptly fall asleep leaving me wide awake in the middle of the night, stuck in my thoughts, wondering if I did something wrong. Other times, we'll actually get to that place and in the middle they'll say they are tired and 'let's just leave it at that' and very quickly fall asleep again. In fact, more times than not we just stop before reaching the end. Not only is this sometimes physically uncomfortable but I also can't help but feel unattractive and undesired, and perhaps a little disrespected. I would never dream of pressuring anyone to do something they don't want to do, so I am at a loss as to what I am supposed to say to explain how this makes me feel (without them feeling pressured or without me sounding needy). Today we were cuddling before they were about to leave my place to go home - things were getting a little intimate and then they quite abruptly stopped and said, 'Okay I'm stopping, otherwise I'll have to make love to you'. I think they thought they were saying it in a way that would make me feel desired (ie what we were doing made them feel good and they had to stop themselves), but it actually made me feel the opposite. I said, is that a bad thing? And they said 'Well it would mean I'd be here another two hours'. (It was 5pm on a Sunday, ahead of the work week.) Does something about this situation and the dynamic between us sound like a normal couple problem that might come and go, or is this something I need to chat to them about? I'm not sure how to bring it up in discussion?
