Is this marriage?

[GreatDawn]

Hi,

I have been married with this woman for over 10yrs. It was never great for some reason and is now taking me into deep depression.

In my view she has always been very selfish and egocentric. She doesn't support anything I do and gets to be the victim. I'm a very reasonable man, ie I can be in the middle of our biggest fight but still will never say anything offensive, a swear word and will always give space for her to talk without interrupting her.

She, however, is very aggressive and hard to argue with. She is the kind of person that if I drop a glass of water it is my fault for not paying attention but if she does, it is my fault for leaving the glass where she could hit it. The list of examples can go on and on. She has no considersrion for my problems and things i have to deal with and always makes her problems the priority number one (and only). At the end she is the one who gets upset and waits for me to come to her to make amends. And I can't think of one single time she ever said sorry or acknowledge the guilt.

In average, our marriage are 2-3 very good weeks followed by 2-3 very bad weeks.

We do have, however, two most beautiful kids together. She very often looses her (very short) patience with them and scream to them or don't treat them right. She is incapable of teaching them anything good. She did make very clear that she really doesn't like kids (in general), and she would much rather lI've without them. However, she does love our kids very much and anytime she spends away from them she misses them big time. She can be very nice with them many times (for short period before they start testing her patience).

I'm pretty sure that if we were to break up I would get the kids. However I don't know if I am prepared to have my kids suffering due to a break up. They are very young still and I only think I should wait until they grow a bit and understand things better before doing anything.

But every week this feeling I have eats me from inside more and more. I know she loves me (she would go crazy if I break up with her). But for some reason she sees me more like an enemy than a partner. And I always wished my wife would be my best friend. Instead what I have is someone whom I can't share anything.

Sorry for the long post. But this is just the tip. Not sure what to do.

[geoff]

hi Great Dawn, it's great talking with you, and yes ' always please them to not get anger and complaints back', absolutely, but I still loved her, and even talk today but upset that she has an elderly guy living with her, and he has everything that she hated in me, but love is there but I could never live with her again.
She did seem to help everyone, and expected me to join her in helping other people and I do believe that she loved me, but it was her behaviour that was annoying, and even today 'it's always my fault'.
There would never be any question that you ask me that I would ever be offended of, I've grown well past that and have a hard skin, so don't worry, ask what you like, it's good having a conversation with you.
Whether her hormones are out of balance and whether my wife had the same problem I don't know because she rarely saw a doctor, but there has to be a balance because us guys have our bad days as well, and would be pointless discussing how she treated me, just like 'water off a duck's back'.
I suppose I don't blame her for divorcing me because depression and alcohol had taken over my life, but in hindsight I'm actually pleased it did happen as I have a new life with just myself and my little puppie. Geoff.