is it time to let go?

[skyblue85]

ive been married for 3 wonderful years.my husband is a very lovely man but when he is with his friends atleast once a week,they will smoke weed,and at first its ok with me but then at the back of my mind,it can change him over time. And once he told me,that I cannot ask him to quit because he wouldnt.his friends are his other family here in aus aside from me,so he told me not to take it away from him,but ofcourse i wouldnt.but for me,they can smoke cigarette or drink but no weeds,but he cannot do it for me..i dont no if this is normal or am i just controlling and selfish as what he says..i just want the “old him” the man i married 3 yrs ago..now we had a fight because of same reason,and he chose to smoke weed in 3 consecutive nights leaving me home alone and choosing to be with his friends smoking pot because he once told me,if im trying to stop him,he will do it more often.i just want us to spend time with each other and this affects our relationship as a couple..i dont want to have a weed addict husband 😔 please help.

[bindi-QLD]

Hi skyblue85 and Bethie, I just wanted to say I hope I didn't come across as too judgmental. I realize that pot can be therapeutic too, and probably safer than alcohol for anxiety. But being left out by a partner and his mates is a very painful thing.

skyblue85, I put up with it lot in one relationship, for 5 years. My partner and his mates used pot, then other things. They did come over to our place a lot, but I felt like I was getting treated like everyone's mum, the person to rebel against who wasn't `cool'. I just wanted to be loved and accepted without having to hurt myself, and I loved my partner deeply. I was sure not to complain or nag, but I still got treated like a parent figure, and they were the naughty children being rebellious. I didn't want that role of parent, and it got worse. My partner became more irresponsible, with finances and household chores. I felt so helpless. I didn't want mother and child relationship, but if I let things go like he did, our life spiralled out of control.

I have deep regrets about that now. Once he'd ruined our finances, he left me brutally for a girl who was a drug addict too, encouraged by all his mates. He never looked back, I doubt he was ever sad we broke up.

I wish I'd been as strong as Dools was. I would have been much better off.

[JessF]

Hello skyblue, I won't say much this time around as there have been many more great replies. Only to say that I noticed that in response to me saying I'd like to hear more about you, you responded with more about your husband. It sounds as if your life revolves around him, and if there is an addiction issue in play here, then you are making his addiction yours as well by having it in your head twenty four-seven. There are a few cycles here that need to be broken, I would suggest, if you are to move forward.

[RustyShoe160]

Hey just like to say weed is not a addiction it's just habit forming that's all iv smoke for 14 years 24/7 and I can give any I like I just some bc it helps me stay calm thanks for read this

RustyShoe160

[geoff]

Hello RustyShoe, thanks for your comment, however, there will be other people who may disagree with you and both sides are entitled to have an opinion.

I've read with interest what you have said.

Can I explain, an addiction is where you can't function properly without it, so you must have it and a habit can become an addiction and is this bad well it depends on what's happening?

When someone needs a cigarette/weed as soon as they hop out of bed, that's an addiction, just an alcoholic who must have his first drink or looks at the clock and the time says the hour says 'it's wine time'.

There will be those who will disagree with me.

A habit is something I have to because I've got OCD.

Please let me know how you feel.

Geoff.