Is it my depression / anxiety that is making me feel this way or something else?
Hi all, Just looking for some support and objective opinions.
I've been living with my partner for almost 1 year now. we are a blended family with 5 children. I've have depression / anxiety and have been on meds and seeing a psych for more than 6 mths. I'm really struggling with life (ft work, family responsibilities, T1D). sometimes I feel ok but then i'm really down again, like a rollercoaster.
We argue about money. I support my 3 kids 100% (financially also). We split most bills 1/2 but it leaves me with no money left only days after i've been paid. My kids go to a catholic school so I pay fees but they are not excessively high and they were attending these schools before we met. I've been independent for over 5 years, when we moved in together my expenses increased and I lost all of my centrelink benefits, so i have less money than I did before. I feel like I can't spend any money without him questioning me or saying that i really cant afford it. I feel like its not fair as he has more money than me and we don't have a joint account. One argument he told me that he didnt think that he should have to support my children as it is not his fault that I dont receive and child support (he later took this back). I feel bad that I cant contribute as much as I wish I could, I'm always worried about money.
I've been using alcohol to help deal with how i've been feeling. Sometimes when i've had a bad week I will drink too much on a Friday night and get emotional / defensive. I know that this is a problem and i'm trying very hard to avoid alcohol but I sometimes slip up. I dont really drink during the week and i've really cut back on alcohol consumption on the weekend. Yesterday he was questioning me about whether i had been drinking during the day because he saw a beer bottle in the recycling bin. It really upset me as I feel like he doesnt trust me. The bottle was actually from my sister who gave them to my son to claim the refunds.
I feel like he doesnt trust me, he gets cranky at me by his tone of voice or body language and sometimes he asks me questions like "why did you leave the garage door open?" when clearly i just forgot to close it and then I feel like i'm getting in trouble. So I am regularly worrying about the things that i'm doing because i dont want to do the wrong thing.
Do you think I'm being too sensitive? (I've been in DV relationship in past, wondering if this effects how i respond to things)
Suggestions on solving the money issues?
Hi there, just a little tip for the drinking problem that works for me. I only ever drink till I lose count of how many I've had and I have soft drink to keep the dry horrors at bay. It's been so easy for me that some nights I even forget to drink. Hope you find this helpful
Hi Princess Peach,
It sounds like you and your partner are getting on each other's nerves now that you are living together, which is a big adjustment from having your own places and dating. Can I ask whose idea it was to move in together? Also have you both sat down and had a discussion about where you think the relationship is going? Not that you need to get married to be fully committed, of course not, but there is a big difference between moving in together because it seemed convenient at the time and making a life long commitment. Do you know where you and your partner are at on that spectrum?
The reason I ask is because it sounds to me like your partner may not be headed that way, or at the least you need to ask him about that. If he was fully committed to you for now and ever he would understand that you come with your children, just as he comes with his own offspring from a previous marriage. A blended family means you all help each other out when needed, at least that's what I think would be the ideal. What you're describing sounds more like a room mate arrangement. If that's what you both want, fine. But you need to define your relationship I think.
I don't think you're being too sensitive. There is a lot for you to deal with right now and your post reads like your partner isn't being fully supportive. Are you able to sit down with him and discuss these issues? Do you have good communication or can you develop it? Or are you having second thoughts about moving on with this relationship?
I feel like if you resolve the deeper issues the money/alcohol issues will right themselves as well, as they might be a symptom of things going on underneath the surface.
I hope this helps. Please post back if you need to discuss further.