Is it depression & can that cause a husband to feel nothing towards his wife?

[Melly997]

My husband moved out 4 months ago. He said he felt the world closing in on him & needed  a little space.

We have had more than our fair share of deaths occur in an 8 month period & 2 of these were old gentlemen that my husband was very close with, he  has to hear some horrible details in his job, his father has heart problems &, to be honest, I was just trying to keep things running day to day without dealing with what I was feeling so my anger, frustration & resentment built up.

 For 2 weeks he said he still loved me & hadn't given up on us but then he faded away & stopped all contact. I kept sending him texts but I got nothing back. After 4 weeks I finally got a reply that stated basically he'd given up & felt he was better on his own. At around the same time he moved out of the friends house he was staying. The friend told me he didn't talk much, came home from work & after a beer went to bed & had lost a lot of weight. 

This Sunday just gone he came home unexpectedly, collected all his things, said it was too late to fix it because he didn't feel anything anymore & was happier & better on his own, he handed me the house key & left to wherever he's now staying. 

I am deeply hurt & upset because this was his decision alone & I had no say, nor was there any effort to save our marriage. The whole process has been very cold & callous, even cowardly.

I suspect he may be suffering depression but how do I help if he's shut me out completely?     And yes, selfishly, I don't want to lose my husband but is it too late?

[pipsy]

Dear Melly997.  My first thought, is your husband seeing a g.p?  Would it be possible for you to see the g.p to discuss things with him?  If your husband is on meds for depression, he will have to see a g.p/specialist/counsellor.  He sounds as though he's in the depths of despair.  Have a talk with g.p/counsellor, whoever, tell them what your husbands friend told you.  The g.p won't say much, under 'Freedom of information plus, patient confidentiality' they are governed by what they can and can't divulge to anyone else.  However, once you've told them what you've shared here, it gives g.p something to work with.  Your husband needs help, sooner, rather than later.       He sounds as though he feels utterly lost and alone. 

Good luck and God speed.

[Melly997]

Thanks for the reply Pipsy.

Early on he said he was seeing someone through his work EAP but I don't know for how long or if he's still going or if he's on medication. 

I know he has pretty much ignored my texts/emails up to this point so I wouldn't be surprised if he has  blocked me altogether now that he's fully moved out of our home. 

I had a name of a work mate of his. I've never met him & I don't know if he's heard about me but I sent him a message via Messenger yesterday & asked him to keep watch on my husband. I only told him of my concerns & said I wasn't looking for information. It was hard reaching out to a stranger to ask them for help because I'm worried I could make the situation worse (between my husband & me) if he finds out. 

I want my husband to get help, more than anything I want him to be whole but I still can't understand how it got like this. 

[pipsy]

Hi Melly997.  I'm glad you were able to ask someone to 'be there' for your husband.  It's immaterial that this person is unknown to you, what's important is that he knows your husband.  I'm sure this person understands your concern and realizes how worried you are.  I think the best thing you can do now, is wait and see how things go.  If your husband can get help, hopefully he'll get in touch with you and maybe want to see you.  The next move is his, though.  It's so hard when we have to play the 'waiting' game.  Is there anything you can do so as you're not tempted to try to contact husband or friend. 

My prayers go out to you and husband.

Best of luck.

[geoff]

dear Melly, I'm pleased that Pipsy has replied back to you which is really good.

EAP or Employee Assistance Program well we don't know of their qualifications or their track record, because each company would be different, but for your point of view it's not bringing him back home.

Maybe you could contact his work liaison worker at his job place and ask some questions, whether or not they give you an answer is debatable.

I would not give up on him returning back home, as this does happen quite often, and by him not replying doesn't mean that he doesn't love you, it's unfortunately what depression can do to someone, but he needs to see his doctor and possibly put on antidepressants (AD), but you won't be able to force this on him, and even if he does return it still has to be taken slowly, but please let us know. L Geoff. x