In a relationship with a Covert Narcissist and experiencing covert abuse - looking for support
Welcome to the forums. I hope you find some support here.
It sounds like your relationship has a lot of difficulties. Having an abusive partner is really difficult. You want to stay and fix it, but sometimes that is not possible.
Unfortunately changing someone else's behaviour is impossible. They can only change if they want to and then put a lot of effort into it.
You say you want to stay for the kids, but do you think they will be better off living with someone who is emotionally abusive?
If you do decide to leave, there are a lot of organisations to help. You can Google search ''women's legal services" in your state. You can also contact 1800 Respect. They are great at understanding domestic abuse. www.1800respect.org.au/
You can also keep posting here. 😊
Kind thoughts, Jess
Welcome to the forums and it is great to have you here. Thank you for posting, You will find that these forums are a loving and caring place where your concerns will be listened too and taken seriously.
Sorry to hear that your going through a tough time at present. As Jess mentioned above, sometimes it isn't possible to fix and mend a relationship and tough decisions have to be made. From what you mentioned above, it seems as if your partner isn't treating you or your kids in a way that is deemed acceptable and there comes a point where you must decide whether it is worth continuing or whether ending the relationship is the best thing for you and your children. To be honest, you and your children deserve better and the way your partner is treating you and your children isn't acceptable.
No matter what decision you make, it will be difficult. You are extremely brave, strong and resilient and these are amazing qualities you possess. If your partner's behaviour is negatively impacting your children's emotionally well-being and quality of life then I would consider removing you and your children from such a relationship. Yes your children may be dissapointed and sad that you two may not be together any more, however, there is a real risk of you and your children developing complex PTSD as a result of the ongoing emotional abuse and neglect and the consequences of complex PTSD are and can be devastating.
I am not sure if this is what you wanted to hear but I work with a lot of women and families who have similar shared experiences as yourself and the effects on neglect and abuse on the family can and is often devastating and can have profound long term negative consequences for all involved.
As Jess mentioned above, 1800 Respect is a great service which would love to hear from you. You may also wish to consider contacting Relationships Australia on 1300 364 277 and also visiting the relationships section on the Reach Out website.
Please take care of yourself and look forward to hearing back from you.
Thank you for your reply.
Unfortunately these stories are far too common. It would absolutely be extremely difficult to leave your current relationship but what your going through as a result of his actions is inexcusable and unjustifiable. You mention that he does love you in his own. That may be true but also you have to ask yourself if someone who loves you would continue to do the things he is doing?
Maintaining the family relationship and entity is super important but it isn't worth maintaining the entity just because you "believe" it is the right thing to do. You and your children are at serious risk of developing complex PTSD as well as many other serious conditions. Yes, I know that maintaining your current family relationship is important but at what cost? Your emotional well-being and your children's safety is more important to be honest.
I am sorry if what I am saying isn't what you wanted to hear but you and your kids don't deserve to be treated the way that your currently being treated. It is a tough decision to make and it is a HUGE decision but sometimes tough decisions have to be made.
Look forward to hearing from you again.