Illness & failing relationship

[LittleA]

I moved interstate 2 years ago, away from family & friends, to be with my long distance partner. Over the past 6 months or so I've been getting very unwell, and as of the last 3 months my doctors think I have chronic fatigue syndrome, on top of major depression/anxiety. I've not been handling this well - I physically can't work, I sleep most of the day, I'm tired and frustrated almost all the time. I have near constant headaches, brain fog, hypersensitivity to sound, joint aches etc etc. I feel like everything that makes me 'me' has been taken away by this illness. I don't recognise myself in the mirror. I'm at a very low point in my life, I've never felt so helpless or hated life as much as I do now.
My partner has been taking this all very hard, he works a stressful job (emergency services), he's dealing with me as a financial burden because I have no money and no job (I'm attempting to get Centrelink but it's a long painful process), and he's been dealing with me as I've been dealing with the illness. He initially started out super supportive but as times gone on, we are fighting a lot, he feels like I'm a massive burden to be around, he looks forward to going to work because it gives him space to breathe away from me. He feels that I'm not a girlfriend any more, that it's all too hard on him. I've told him how much I'm not coping in myself, that whilst I'm trying to get a handle on this illness it's going to take a lot out of me and therefore I'm not going to have as much energy for him. The illness itself sucks the energy right from me - some days I can't get out of bed to shower - so it's extremely difficult for me to do things like go out of the house to do things together, to keep up intimacy. I understand that I'm not an amazing person to be around, but it's like he expects more of me then I can give right now. I feel like he can't see past my illness anymore. He sees someone who is a burden that he has to care for, rather than someone who is still his companion but just struggling.
He's asked for some space to think things over and so I've moved temporarily back interstate to my parents place to give him space. But now I'm in limbo. I'm stuck waiting to see if he feels like he can keep going with us or throw everything away because I'm too much to handle when I'm sick.

I don't know what to do, and I really don't want us to end. I don't know if I'll handle it right now.

[geoff]

hello LittleA, goodness me I am just so sorry for you to suffer from all of these illness's and have known someone a long time ago who had chronic fatigue syndrome, and for them plus the family it was horrible for all.
All of these illness's are what those around you can't understand the struggle you are going through, and which one should be addressed first of all, well that has to up to your doctor, but really all of these unknown but there are a lot of people who do understand this terrible journey you are going through.
I think that a move back to your parents has been a good decision where they will able to help give you all the medication support you desperately need.
As time goes on you will know what your b/friend wants to do, and I don't mean to upset you, but to see how many times he contacts you and whether or not he wants to join forces with your parents to get all the possible help you need.
Can I ask you what the doctor/doctors have decided to treat you with first of all, because the three of these illness's can all be linked together, I'm so sorry to say and I do feel for you in this struggle, but would really love to hear back from you. Geoff. x

[Michelle77]

Hi LittleA I haven't got any advice for you but would like to say I'm thinking of you and hope you get through all this smiling we all deserve to be happy and loved for who we are not what we got. My husband just left me for no reason just wants a life style change and it has shattered me but I'll get there one day and be stronger for it so I wish you all the luck you need and strength to get thro this sending you a big smile xx

[LittleA]

Hi Geoff. Thanks for the response, it has been super hard. My mindset is so all over the place at the moment. The doctors have been treating the chronic fatigue first - I've been referred on to a specialist but it's taken time to get in to see him, but now that I've moved back interstate to my family it throws everything in the air as I don't know if there's any similar specialists here, and I don't want to start the process over again with new doctors here until I know if I'm staying here or going back home. I had some anxiety issues before the chronic fatigue came on, but my mental health has taken a massive plummet in the last few months with the chronic fatigue.

Thank you again for responding to me. I appreciate anyone who can discuss things with me without judgement from lack of knowledge.

LittleA x

[LittleA]

Hi Michelle, thank you so much for the support, I really do appreciate it. I'm sorry about your husband, it's such a tough and unfair situation, but there is only so much we can do. The smile is appreciated too - I've seen so few of those in recent times. Thanks xx