I'm not sure what to do.. I've tried everything.. Maybe someone can offer me some advice. I met a wonderful guy online about 3 months ago. We haven't met in person yet , he lives in another state. But we had gotten very close. We would chat on messenger each day, on the phone and on Skype. We had long video chats on Skype and even kept Skype on during the night as we slept. I fell in love with him, and I think he did with me as well. We talked about a future together. I was seriously thinking about moving to live with him. We were making plans for me to visit him.
Then about 5 days ago, I made a terrible mistake. I got insecure about a female friend he had. He still said he loved me, but I felt very unsure. So I started talking to other men online. It wasn't to find someone else, but more to protect myself. I didn't want him to be my only option. I was worried he would fall for this woman, and I'd be devastated and alone. He found out what I wrote and said I betrayed him. Because I was saying similar things to these other men that I had said to him.
He accused me of cheating, even though there wasn't any sexual or romantic element to my conversations. We weren't officially in a relationship yet, and he'd always said I can do what I want. So I was confused as to how I cheated. Now he's barely talking to me. He told me as a consequence of my actions, he and his friend are 'closer', implying they might get romantically involved. And last night he said the only thing he's considering now is whether he wants to stay friends with me. He said we can't be more than that now.
I asked to come and visit so we could meet and talk In person. He said it's not a good idea. I've apologise so many times to him. But he says I went too far, because also of hateful things I said. He said I've hurt him very badly. He said he can't trust me and can't forgive me. He thinks I was faking my feelings for him. But I told him I wasn't and I was insecure. I've told him how much I love him. But nothing is working.. We had something very rare and special. He used to say that too. He was my best friend and the man I love. He saw all these qualities in me other people miss. We just got each other.. Now he says I'm a stranger.
I feel empty without him. He became an important part of my life. For the first time in a long time I had hope for the future. I'm afraid I've lost him for good. If we stay friends, I'm not sure I could handle it if he becomes involved with this woman.
