I think my relationship is nearly over

[batticus]

Hi everyone, I'm having a nightmare of a time.

My girlfriend and I have been together 5 1/2 years.

We've had good times and also many really awful times.
My aim in life was to make her happy. I did everything I could.

We both live in separate houses; we only really see eachother on weekends. She doesn't want to come to my house (it's a nice new home, I think it's a pleasant calm space to be in). Rather I have to go to her house. To progress the relationship (she wants to be engaged) I want us to spend much more time together. Having one house isn't possible right now, but we can make the best of our current situation by staying with eachother during the week. She doesn't seem to want to do that.

Having constructive conversations about important topics is hard. She is very defensive and responds with a lot of aggression if something I say is perceived as a criticism. Early in the relationship she has been verbally abusive on more than one occasion. I have spent a lot of time going to counselling to try and understand why I feel so confused, and also to figure out what is going on with my girlfriend. My counsellor believes she has traits of covert narcissism.

What has brought the things to this point is that she wants to get engaged and is frustrated this hasn't happened yet. What is holding me back is that I know she wants to move interstate at some point. I don't. I have a home here, family , work ,friends. This is where I belong. I feel like moving interstate will be very isolating and disastrous for my mental health.

Yesterday she was giving me silent treatment. I then realised every photo of me in the house was gone.

She wasn't happy at all. She doesn't believe I love her. Isn't happy that she isn't engaged. I explained my preference to not move interstate. One thing we agreed on in the last 5 1/2 years is neither of us wanted children. Suddenly this has changed. I find it very hard to believe because her main response to seeing babies etc. is one of disgust.

I don't want to think the worst of her, as I love her dearly, but I am suspicious this may be some kind of bluff. It just doesn't add up to me. I have learned to understand that I've been gaslighted a lot over the years, and wonder if this could be some kind of desperate attempt to make me feel even worse.

We are going to talk again tomorrow and hopefully after that I'll have some closure either way things end up going.

Thanks for listening

Batticus

[batticus]

I've been still battling with this thing

We've talked a few times but it's getting nowhere

I've given her the option of a life down here with me - it's there if she wants it

If she doesn't, we have no way of moving forwards.

We are talking again tomorrow night and I hope this will finally be resolved whichever way it goes.

I've never been this low before. There a certain level of uncertainty that is bearable this isn't. My mental health has declined to a point where I no longer feel safe. I've seen my GP about this and have plans in place should things get worse.

[batticus]

Hi all

I broke up with my partner last night.

I left her that option to have a life here with me; gave her time to think about it. She still was not sure. I couldn't wait any longer. (Trigger alert re. suicide)

Work have had me basically on suicide watch. Depression and anxiety had reached breaking point.

When I spoke to her last night, I told her I need to know what she wants. The uncertainty is having horrific consequences for me. I told her bluntly that I'm so unwell that I feel suicidal and am genuinely frightened about that. She displayed little to no emotion

I had to tell her that I can't do this anymore, that I am breaking up

I left

I feel a sense of relief but so much guilt and pain

I'm calling up all my friends to arrange to see them and try and work my way back to being healthier again

[Sophie_M]

Hi batticus, 

We can hear how overwhelmed you feel at the moment. We really hope that you know that we are here for you, and you don't have to go through these moments on your own. 

We are reaching out to you privately, as we are concerned about you and want to encourage you to check-in by giving us a call on 1300 22 4636, our team are here for you 24/7 to talk through what is happening in your life. It is really important that you talk to someone about these thoughts and feelings. It's really good that you're reaching to friends, we also think it would be a good idea to talk to a health professional about this, whether these means reaching out to your GP or planning this action with a Beyond Blue counsellor when you call.  

A few more options are Lifeline (13 11 14) and the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467) who are also here for you 24/7, at any time of the day or night. All of these options are available through webchat, if you'd prefer: 

• Beyond Blue 
• Lifeline 
• The Suicide Call Back Service 

If you ever feel unsafe, this is an emergency and you must call 000.  

If you’d find it helpful to create a safety plan you may wish to check out our Beyond Now suicide safety planning app. Feel free to read about how it works and where to download it here: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/beyondnow-suicide-safety-planning. If you feel up to it, you can even call Lifeline on 13 11 14 and complete it with one of their counsellors over the phone. 

We are really grateful that you shared this here. It can be really tough to reach out, so we hope you can acknowledge your strength and bravery in doing so. Please do share more with us here on how you're feeling and how we can best support you through this, if you feel comfortable to do so.  

Kind regards,

Sophie M