I think I am scared of my husband

[Tilly2018]

Hi

i have been married for nearly seven years and am contemplating leaving my husband. I am afraid to speak with him about anything to do with our relationship because I fear his reaction. He has always had a bit of a short temper with everything and I’ve always just accepted that’s just how he is, but this of course makes me cautious of the way I approach him.

The only time I find the strength to confront him is usually the day after he has come home from a night out and in his drunken state he has been verbally unkind to me and has on occasion made me afraid of what he might do next. He has never hit me (trust me I would be straight out the door if this ever happened), but I feel I have to just put up with his behaviour in order to avoid provoking him in case he did turn violent.

so usually the next day I speak with him about it because I am usually so pissed off. Quite often he says he doesn’t remember saying those things and apologies and for the next week he is as nice as pie, telling me he loves me etc etc.

i do feel trapped as he has a lot going on with his work and sleep apnea so I am trying to support him. But every now and then and when situations like the above occur I think what the hell am I doing. Surely this isn’t how a marriage is supposed to be.

Am I over reacting or should I just get the courage to say enough is enough! I have considered moving out a number of times but then things have always got better for a while.

what would you do?

[geoff]

Hello Tilly2018, welcome to the forum.

All the comments above me have said most of what I want to say, but Little-Miss has made an excellent point, one that I was going to make as a new thread, and that's 'money in a domestic dispute'.

This can always be a massive problem where he can gradually take control over all the bank accounts and make it difficult for you to access any money, or by using your credit card etc without your approval, so if you are going to leave him to retrieve your share, but perhaps seeing a lawyer might be the best idea.

I can only mention once again that if he has a temper and you are afraid of him hurting you, not once but several times, then unless he gets help, it's best to go your own way.

A promise and a box of chocolates the day after, will not change how he may behave later on, and constant emotional abuse could lead to physical abuse, it's not a satisfactory marriage.

Centrelink can provide 'crisis payments', but can I strongly suggest contacting Anglicare, I have mentioned them before on this site many times, only because they were an enormous help to me, although the circumstances were different because if you decide to leave then you should try and organise yourself before leaving him, then you will know where you are going and what you are going to do.

Tell no one at that time, because he will go to your family/friends asking where you are, change your sim card and transfer your bank accounts.

You can decide who you want to tell, that maybe a difficult decision.

Please let us know and hope you are still checking your thread.

Geoff.