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I need advice to hep my friend....

Josh2
Community Member
This isnt relevant to my life persua but im very worried about my friend and i need advice, shes almost 15 and after a bad breakup with her boyfriend shes kind of gone different. Whilst usually quite loud shes a lot more quite, she parties most nights and hangs out with me (m16) and a few older males as well, we have a group and she and 2 other mates, M17 and M15 we all hang out most nights. I think she has lots of problems at school that her school friends have also noticed, her grades have been dropping and shes very stressed, she has diagnosed anxiety. Im worried about her and also that it could be my fault, i try to be a good friend but i dont think i take her to good environments, i want her to stop going to all the parties and hooking up with different boys but she wont listen to me or any of her school friends. I fear some of them dont really have her mental wellbeing as a concern as they often come down hard on her making her feel worse. I just dont know what to do or how to help my friend, she comes home crying most nights, gets dressed up, parties with a bunch of older boys then hangs out with me and the boys until like 3 in the morning. I want to help and any advice on how to would be greatly appreciated.
5 Replies 5

MsPurple
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

HI Josh and welcome to the forums.

It can be hard trying to help a friend, especially if they are in denial or don't want help. Maybe let her know you are concerned and willing to be a listening voice. Maybe you could suggest she talks to someone else if she is not wanting to talk to friend. She could talk to the school counsellor or go to headspace. It is a youth mental health service and it is free. They can see anyone from the age of 12-25. I went there and I felt comfortable and I was able to talk about my problems. It helped with my anxiety.

A key thing to remember is you can be there for your friends, but you need to know when you need to take a step back. Just remind them you are ready when they need it. You need to remember that you can only do your best.

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi Josh, welcome

I get that you want to help your friend. IMO the very best you can do is pledge your friendship so it grows in trust.

Her journey, her choices, there are some things friends have no bearing on. If you can secure your friendship to the point whereby if she needs to talk to someone and she chooses you because you listen, you dont lecture her, you ask her regularly how she is etc....you'll be fulfilling the role of a good friend.

The only thing to be wary of is that as a very good friend if she finds love again you should respect that such a boyfriend might replace you as her confidant.

So jealousy doesnt have a place.

Tony WK

Mathy
Community Member

Hi Josh and welcome to the BB forums 🙂

Firstly, I wanted to say what a great friend you are. You’ve come here because you care for your friend, and want to do the right thing by her. Please don’t beat yourself up about responsibility about her, you’re doing your best in what might be a difficult situation.

You say that she’s diagnosed with anxiety, broke up with a boyfriend, parties a lot and her grades are dropping, and her friends have noticed. Quite possibly that’s all normal after a relationship breakup.

If you could encourage her to visit Headspace (as mentioned by Ms. Purple), I’m sure that she will receive excellent help.

Meanwhile, keep supporting her as a friend. This is your space to talk about your concerns in a private way, so please do get back to us, and let us know how you’re doing, all the best M 🙂

geoff
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni
hello Josh Mulen, all good comments by those above me and I agree with them, however what I am concerned about is what these older guys may do with her or even offer her some relief with some sort of substance, and if this does happen then her problems are going to increase.
Try and contact Headspace yourself explaining the situation so that maybe you can be with her while talking to someone from Headspace. Geoff.

Josh2
Community Member
thank you, I get what you mean when you say take a step back it just sucks seeing my best friend like this