Does anyone else also struggle with depending a lot on others and having a lot of conflicting back and forth thoughts? Especially when it comes to relationship with themselves and others.
Recently, I have started feeling and thinking that other people don't care about me. Especially when it comes to my friends. Or that no one is really putting me first. Because I feel as though most of the time, I am the one that always initiates catch ups and things to do and try my best to give others a good time when we do meet up. I am quite shy though. Despite this, many people don't reach out to me first. I can't ignore the feeling of just being cast aside by others. Or feel so disappointed and let down by others. This makes me feel sad for a few moments but then I start telling myself that its healthy if I don't rely on other people to make me happy. Here is were the back and forth really starts.
- I want to be loved and really be shown by others that they love me.
- I feel ashamed and hate that I am relying on others when I should make myself happy and not care about others.
- We are humans and feeling like this is okay because we thrive on social connections.
- But I hate that other people have such control over my emotions and I don't want to feel sad and lonely because of them.
Etc. Etc.
I have conflicting thoughts writing this post right now
- This is nothing compared to some of the serious mental health issues others might be going through.
- Even small things like this can affect people a lot so I shouldn't be ashamed about this.
- But am I making a big deal out of this?
Etc. Etc.
I am just confused about my own feelings and thoughts. Which side should I listen to.
Distraction helps to snap out of these 'moments'. But it has only worked for so long before it catches up to me again. And over time, it catches up sooner.
How to approach and address this? Because I am getting sick of it. I had a lot of breakdowns where I feel down about my personality, feeling like I am not good enough for others or even worse compare myself and feel that I am not as great as others. And I really want to snap out it so I can just enjoy my life. Apart from talking to others, are there any other techniques? Because I don't feel comfortable opening up about these issues to other people even if I am close to them.
