I'm in constant pain and it's making me feel depressed and angry
First of all, we would like to thank you for posting about your internal struggles with your own body and emotions. We can see how much strength you have.
Chronic pain can be quite difficult to live with, and your anger and frustration, unfortunately, ended up being taken out on your partner. We are saddened to hear that things have become so intense that he has apparently decided to leave.
Have you spoken with your GP about locating a chronic pain management program in your area?
We would encourage you to call Beyond Blue at 1300 22 4636, or Life Line at 13 1114, to talk with their mental health specialists in order to help you start working through your anger and pain so you might find a way to reduce taking it out on your partner.
Have you gently asked your partner if he would be willing to attend couples counselling with you?
Relationships Australia provides couples counselling. They can be contacted at
We would like to welcome you to our supportive and helpful community.
As someone who has an autoimmune condition myself, I completely sympathize with your situation, it can be so hard when you feel excruciating pain to be sunny and happy. I will say that it does not sound like your disease is well-controlled at all, and as a first step it would be a good idea to book in with your rheumatologist to discuss treatment options as excruciating pain isn’t just something you need to accept. My mum has quite bad rheumatoid arthritis and has had a lot of success with a new biologic so that may be an option for you. Regarding your partner, it’s hard because pain can make you behave in ways you wouldn’t normally - I got sick when I was young so I felt like noone would ever love me or “put up with me” because of my illness so a whenever I have a flare up I am always extra nice/appreciative but I don’t think that’s a particularly healthy way to be either. I would suggest talking with your partner and explaining the situation and also that you don’t want to react that way and putting systems in place so that you can both manage this together. It may also be a good idea to book in with a couples counsellor to assist you with strategies to help deal with your illness. But it will get better I promise, you just need to get your disease under control xx