I'm being involuntarily written out of existence

[Hugoosey]

Helloo? you dont have to read the whole thing(no pressure)

I'm 23 and don't know where to start and the only reason I'm doing the whole beyond blue thingy is because lately I feel so terrible, well to be honest its up and down, kinda like being flipped about. Well I've always kinda felt I had something wrong with my brain or something like I might be mildly aspergers or just kinda stupid but i find it near impossible to connect or relate to people anymore, even reading the forums briefly I couldn't really relate to anything. Its so hard writing this stuff because words are so limited when it comes to true expression, but yeah I barely feel like a full person anymore, mainly due to my life not playing out like many peoples, for example I've never been to any parties in high school or even had any partners and people never ever seem take an interest in me or my life when I usually go out of my way to ask them about theirs..this is all too whiny but sometimes I get annoyed at how people have all this stuff like friends, romances and opportunities that fall into their laps and it honestly seems like they arent even trying to get these things, its kinda like I'm not allowed to be a full human being and the rest of you are able to have these things.

Its just irritating and its starting to look as if there might not be any hope, I mean people don't even acknowledge my presence anymore which might not make sense to you but its true, oh yeah the point I almost forgot which is funny cause its the a main reason and that is this decade(the 2010's) sucks arse and is totally boring and makes me want to give up on hope. People are strange in this era we live in with the smartphones and technology I find super boring, I just want the good old nokia days back(I still use a nokia) everyone seems really depresso nowadays I mean even my university lecturer asked the class why they looked so glum...I mean whats up with that? I have a sneaking suspicion this era is making everyone lonely/sad(not the whole reason obviously), I'm just stating the truth of this crap era with live in...I hate it and its taking all the atmosphere away that used to be plentiful in the past.

doubt you've read this far, people dont usually take me seriously or think I feel this bad but honestly most of the time I wish there was a big red button I could hit and it would just erase me instantly.

wow that was fun right? Look forward to your reply(wanted to say a bit more but the dang word limit)

[Birdy77]

Dear Hugoosey and your awesome friends in here 😊 you're all brilliant!

I must say that I've really enjoyed listening to you all.

Each of you sound like interesting, unique people.

Hugoosey, I've had a chuckle at some of your turns-of-phrases (if that's the right way to say it?) ... if you really want to knkw the truth, you really remind me of j.d salinger's Holden Caulfield.

I just want to assure you that you are a cool human being and I, among many here already, like your style.

🌻birdy

[quirkywords]

Hugoosey,

well you have written a most interesting thread that many can relate to.

I am 60 and can relate to what you have written. I have felt many times like I am in a play but I am reading a different play to everyone else.

it can often feel everyone else is having a wonderful time when often if you speak to people you find they may have similar concerns to you.

You write some well, I wonder do you write stories or keep a journal.

I have had a difficult time in every decade because things change all the time, but I also some good times in each of my decades. in my 20s I had been told me about mobile phones and the internet I would have not believed it.

Please continue to be yourself because as Oscar Wilde said Be yourself everyone else is taken.

Quirky

Ps you can have my extra characters!!

[Hugoosey]

Hello again

Yeah I try to stay strong but it honestly varies depending on the day or moment and it can change on the flip of a coin, my brain is inconsistent and doesn't know what its doing. What are some of your mind bending techniques to help re-bend your mind back into shape? I'll take any advice that will help alleviate feeling really run down and pessimistic all the time. I'll try and give you a tiny shred of advice I know and thats get out of your room and go for walks when you feel not brilliant because believe me you dont want to feel trapped in your room for days on end and go a tiny bit deranged, you might already know this though but just telling you incase.

Its alright doing creative things, it helps me feel a tad better about my situation or something I dunno its like totally therapeutic mannn. Do you have any activities that occasionally help you feel better? ur I just do a little bit of everything mainly just drawing, painting and poems, I would kinda just want to sell stuff and possibly make money even if thats unrealistic and silly I still want possibly maybe eventually do that at some point.

what would you like to do once you finish university? help people with your newfound brain powers? I think you'll probably do well if you do because you seem to have an active interest into the minds of others. Sounds like you have lots of interests which is probably a good thing, what kind of videogames do you like? I've got more than 20 consoles from the 80s/90s/00s, so I might be interested in knowing what you like to play, videogames have always been fun to play because they act as gateways to other dimensions.

Thats cool you're into music from the 90s/00s eras cause thats my focal point for not just music but the culture of those times too, just watched this movie from 99 called 'two hands' with heath ledger on dvd and the atmosphere of sydney in 99 was so intoxicating and now I just want to be there, seriously this era we live in has no vibe anymore, there was just some mysterious energy in the air back then, like this feeling that anything was possible.

Yeah we do have some stuff in common which is nice, yeah I'll just keep being me, not cause I want to but because I have no choice, you too, fight the bland future with me, dont know how yet but I'll think of a way..

but yeah thanks for writing back, look forward to hearing from you, cheers

[Hugoosey]

Thankyou for your kind praise/words

Can't believe you actually read it all, you're really a trooper but yeah do you have any wisdom for people in this very specific situation like myself and these other people? I'll take anything I can get, its good trying to pinch some hints where you can.

its good you've found some of what I said funny, my sense of humour is really deranged and it usually goes over peoples heads because of my massive intelligence(kidding). I've never read that book before but I've heard good things about it, would you recommend a read? I could google it but I'd rather have your perspective on it.

thanks for the lovely words, and I'm pretty sure you meant it which is nice, I like your kind hearted style

cheers, look forward to hearing back

[Hugoosey]

Hello thanks for writing,

that play thingy you said does tie into my concerns I mentioned, everyone seems to have this natural way of being where stuff just effortlessly gravitates towards them whilst somebody like me almost has to put in the same amount of effort that somebody would put into a PHD to just get a simple social invite, bit of social attention or sexy attention. Sounds silly I know but I'm a human being and I need these things because its woven into my ancient caveman dna, honestly I wish I could just rip out the caveman dna and desire nothing and seek nothing..but so far no luck extracting my genetic caveman algorithms.

I dont write stories or anything but I do enjoy the odd word or two and really like doing small poems that are a mixture of silly and sad, what about you? do you write?

I envy your age, I wish I was 60 too, my mum tells me I walk like an old man so I'm on my way, I just really dont click with this time I live in, I'd rather be in brazil in 1966 right now to be totally honest and maybe one day I could make it happen, its hard being an old style person in a shallow new world. What do you think of the internet and these phones? do you have a positive spin? I'd like to hear it but I'm 99 percent sure that they are corroding the soul of the world.

great quote by the way, thankyou for your time and worldly wisdom

cheers

[Birdy77]

Dear Hugoosey,

I would most definitely recommend you get yourself a copy of The Catcher in the Rye and enjoy Holden Caulfield's company for a while.

I read it at last once a year, it's one of my most favourite books ever.

If you really want to know the truth, reading your posts is almost like reading Holden's thoughts, you will know exactly what I mean as soon as you start reading it.

I would love to hear your thoughts if you take up my reading recommendation.

As it was written in 1951, it will be like stepping back to your preferred era as well.

I will probably start reading it again today, now that I've mentioned it.

I don't have any words of wisdom I'm sorry, but I would encourage you to keep writing. You're jolly good at it.

🌻birdy

[Mary_R]

Hi there Hugoosey

I'm new here and have just read through your posts and the replies. I am 72, so I've seen it from no technology to not being without my tech gadgets for a single day...it's the way I can connect with people all over the world, if I choose. You are selling yourself short, in so many ways. You are creative, articulate, intelligent, empathetic and sensitive to others. Those are all plusses in my book! Don't ask what is wrong with you, praise yourself for what is right with you and just try to find ways to be happy, smile, put a spring in your step, get out in nature as much as you can. Volunteer an art class at a retirement village, offfer to run a memoir group with oldies so they can reminisce and share "the good old days" of their lives with you. Become a travel companion. Get a dog and go walking. The cuter the dog, the better your chances of striking up a friendship. Join a Friends 9f the Art Gallery or Library group. Attend free author talks and chat to anyone who comes along. A friend of nearly 40 had nearly given up on finding a partner, when one elderly lady at a retirement village introduced him to her single granddaughter...and now they are a couple, with common interests like travelling, art and 60's music. I think you have a talent for writing! Maybe observe and record your feelings, changes in thinking, good or not and who knows, you might get it published....a year in the life of a (Not so) lovely guy. Good Luck! Remember, what anyone else does or thinks has nothing to do with you. Head up, big smile, off you go!

[baet123]

Hey Hugoosey,

Thank you for your response and for telling me more about yourself and your situation. We have many things in common and that is so awesome!

You asked if I have any activities that occasionally help you feel better? There are heaps of things I do so I will list a few:

1. Exercise - try it if you feel comfortable doing so. It helped me greatly. You will feel so good after each time you work out. It is hard, but the release of endorphins and the feeling you get post exercise is worth it! It helps keep me positive and the like.

2. Listen to music - Just jam out and immerse yourself in your favourite artists/bands and let yourself go! Just you and the music and no other worries or troubles. This might be something for you to try.

3. Daydream - I used to daydream quite a bit. Focus on positive thoughts and let your brain wonder. Think about what makes you happy and just daydream!

4. Try meditating or even listening to some relaxing music/compassion mantras. Search on Youtube "The Great Compassion Mantra" and give that a go. Listen to it for 10 minutes, don't just close it after not liking it initially and see. Even though you may not care about the religious significance of the mantra, it is so relaxing and great for the mind.

5. Read a book or immerse yourself in TV series. I binge watch a lot especially when there is a lot going on at university. Find a TV series that you think you will enjoy and just enjoy it.

Don't get me started on video games HAHA. I love them all literally. The best thing about video games is like you said, they take you to another place and you can be anything you want. I really enjoy old school retro games like Crash Bandicoot, Doom, Mario Kart, Zelda, Mortal Kombat and the like however I also do enjoy newer games also. What is your favourite console? Mine is definitely Playstation, Atari Jaguar or Nintendo 64.

What are your favourite video games and songs/artists? I would love to know.

As for what I want to do after I finish my social work degree is I either want to work with FACS as a child protection worker or a caseworker in a hospital or work with DV victims/offenders or in Mental Health/Drug and Alcohol treatment 🙂

Hope to hear from you soon and keep pushing man!

Your friend, Nick.

[blondguy]

Hey Hugoosey

You have written an excellent thread topic and good on you too!

SophieM has mentioned a helpful thread topic above that you may feel like being involved in

I noticed that Mary R took the time (as a new member) to reply to you above and I hope its okay if I can quote just a small piece of her caring post. There is wonderful support for you here.

MaryR mentioned "You are creative, articulate, intelligent, empathetic and sensitive to others. Those are all plusses in my book! Don't ask what is wrong with you, praise yourself for what is right with you"

I hope its okay that I didnt answer your new thread you posted today as it would be difficult for you to keep track of the support you are receiving on both threads. You will have more responses using only one thread topic

Great to have you as part of the Beyond Blue family 🙂

my kindest

Paul

Note: Nokia are an excellent phone that leave an iphone far behind where quality is concerned (thumbs up!)