Hello. First timer and all the conversations running through my mind are so hard to type. Not sure where to start. Quite a few issues going on all at once. In my teens Family sexual interference. 1st real romance broke my heart age 17-22. New Marriage at 24 ended due to violence and unfaithful husband , divorced at 26.now in 2nd marriage Not sure how I feel about my 26 years, but still here after we did separate for 6months ….mourning 3 lost baby’s. We have 1 only child now 24 and 3 older step children. Only child now been chronic suicidal for 10yrs. I’m now drowning in my own guilt and self hate I don’t know what to do. I’m trying to hold down a full time job to help support us, through tough times. I now have found friendship in another man who 3 yrs ago said he would support me but as usual he has slower started to fade away. It’s almost like I’m a stranger again. My head is mash potato can’t think or concentrate at anytime if the day. Just on autopilot it seems. This all won’t make sense but at least I have got it out there. I’m just lost in my own head. 😔 not knowing how to deal with what’s next. All I want to do is hide
I am sorry for all the grief, loss and trauma you have suffered in your life. Have you ever spoken to a counsellor or therapist.?
Your post is. Clearly written. I wonder if you grieved for your 3 babies. There is an organisation called Pink Elephants who help cope with a loss of a baby no matter how long ago.
