I just don't know what to do

[Wallabee]

Wife came back from family visitation and she is clearly ignoring me.

i think we are it, I think she decided it was over in her mind and on top of that I think she is having an affair or preparing the ground for another man....

[pipsy]

Hi Wallabee.  Why do you think the way you're thinking?  Have you been having problems?  Perhaps she had difficulties when she visited her family.  Families are the most complex people at the best of times.  It sounds as though there's a lot of thinking, but not much communication going on.  I would ask her what the problems are, if you really believe there is another man, ask her.  Maybe she's just upset over the visit.  As I said, families can cause so much hassle.

[Paul]

Hi Wallabee,

Sorry to hear about the troubles that are happening with your wife. What's gone on before she went away that gives you the impression things might be coming to an end?

How are you feeling at the moment?

 Stay in touch, I know this is tough.

Paul

[Wallabee]

Pips you and Lats , thank you so much for the attention you give to my problems .

things have gone north , today she told me she had the money to send me back in Canada , after 4 years with her , giving love to her children. Yes we did have our lows but I think at this point that she totally treated me like an option from the very beginning , this is my home and giving the options I have its the most lowest move I have faced in my entire life

[pipsy]

Hi Wallabee.  You don't have to go back to Canada, you know.  That's up to you.  I would basically 'take the money and go'.  Whatever you do is up to you.  You were right though, she does want 'out'.  I realise that hurts, you went into the relationship hoping it was for life.  Unfortunately this sort of thing happens all the time.  We get married thinking 'that's it', it goes 'pear shaped' and we wonder where we went wrong.  Did you ask her (just as a matter of interest) why she married you?  You do have the right to know, was she using you, if so, why?  It would probably hurt to have her tell you, but, at the same time, at least you would have some idea why. 

One day, you'll meet the 'girl of your dreams' and this will be just a nightmare.  Don't take her mistakes on board, she made this mistake, you didn't.  You come across as a decent person who just 'hooked up' with the wrong person.  She was wrong for you, not the other way round. 

[Wallabee]

Thank you for these kind words Pipsy !

giving the options I am in front of with a temporary partner visa , I have very few options in my bag even if I feel like Australia is my home, take the money and run lol. I am so not that type .  And hooo I know what went wrong for sure, I lowered my attention to the demands and tried to put myself back together is what happend and boom, voila the result when your trying to update yourself to give higher results but the time you took to heal was to much for the other person to understand ,so so much for so not much after all .

[pipsy]

Hi Wallabee.  All I can do is reiterate what I said earlier.  You simply chose the wrong partner for you.  There is someone for everyone.  You tried to be something you're not to please your partner, in the process you 'lost' you.  Now you need to 'find' you again.  Try not to let what happened get you to the point where you think no-one will ever want you.  If you do that, your confidence will hit rock bottom.  What I would do is, stand back, look at what and who you are, what and who your wife is and from that, figure out what you want in a wife/partner.  Once you do that, things will seem a little brighter.  It definitely sounds as though you and your wife are not on the same wave length.  It's no-one's fault either, these things happen, try to see if you need to change (although it doesn't sound as though you do).  Your wife doesn't have to change either, unless you're both miserable as you are.  You both need to be with people who accept you the way you are.  You're kind, loving, considerate, that's a BIG plus in my books.   

[Wallabee]

Hello Pipsy , you are very true and wise I think.

it is very true I did lost myself in the process of loving and updating my loving and I gathered that I can not please every one in my own natural state of mind, I will miss Australia so much tho, and her kids, I prefer not to think of that , to much braking in the mind.

guess I will see the snow again after all

Wallabee

[pipsy]

Hi Wallabee.  I see you've decided to head home.  Could you not keep in touch with the kids, or would that upset you?  Maybe once the dust settles, you could ask if the kids could write to you.  I hope you can keep in touch with them, obviously you care for them.  I wish you all the best for your future.  Try not to feel hatred for her, that's a wasted emotion and only hurts you in the long run.  Put it down to experience and use the experience to help you.   

[Wallabee]

Hi  Pipsy.   I would love certainly to get kind of communication with them, but unfortunately I gave my all in this relationship and my return home will be very thin, since I don't have anything to communicate for a little while , if there is an angel with a nosy nose at the Australian immigration reading this by any hasard , I wish it would be aknowledged that a partnered marriage is not something to treat at the press of a buton, there are real human emotions involved and when the sponser decides to pull the plug like the one with the visa was just a used product from oversea it does not make me feel like I had  much of a fair chance but hey, I'm not a monster, just a Canadian 

Dominique