I feel so lonely and don't know how to make new friends

[Milly89]

Hi,

This is the first time I have posted anything on here, so here I go!

i believe that I have suffered from some form of depression for many years now but have never done anything about it. 2 years ago I left my hometown and moved in with my boyfriend at the time, we have since separated. I now live alone and find myself feeling very lonely and upset a lot of the time. I notice this is worse when I get home after visiting my family back home. I have always struggled to make friends, especially as I've gotten older. I only have one friend where I live now and no family. I have tried to make new friends but I lack the confidence to just put myself out there. 

 i have a job that I really like but most of the time I just want to give it up and move back home so I am closer to my family. I just find myself to be sad and miserable a lot of the time. I always feel jealous of my brother and sister who seem to be able to make friends with anyone they meet, they both have heaps of friends that they are always socialising with and just wish I could be more like them. 

[BKYTH]

 Is the option of moving back home to be closer your family possible?.                          Some people as you describe seem to be able to make friends so easily while for others it is difficult.                                                                                                           Have you spoken to your GP about the difficulties that you are having. If not I would advise you to do so. It is important to seek help if you are not coping very well as there is help that is available for you.                                                                                You have already taken an important step in making your first post on BB.                   What you are describing and the loneliness that you feel must be very painful for you to deal with without any support. See your GP as soon as you can and tell him/her all that you have spoken about in your post and find out about the options that are available for you.                                                                                  You don't need to live in such a situation and each small step that you take to improve your life takes you further along the path to a better life.                            Philip.

[Doolhof]

Hi Milly,

Welcome to the community here at Beyond Blue. Philip has given you some good advice and suggestions in his post to you.

Have you talked with your family about how you  are feeling so they can support you?

I agree with Philip, some people are able to make friends so easily and others of us struggle a little. We are all so different, even within a family, so please don't compare yourself to your siblings.

It is wonderful that you have a job that you enjoy. Have you tried asking any of your fellow workers if they would like to go to the movies with you or out for a coffee.

Are there clubs or organisations close to you that you could join?

One way to make it easier to talk to people is to have a casual chat with people in the shops or cafes you may visit. Just have a bit of a chat with the staff if they are not so busy. That way you get used to talking to people.

Do you have spare time to do some volunteer work occasionally? That is another great way to meet like minded people.

Hope some of this gives you a few ideas!

Cheers for now from Mrs. Dools

[Cymru]

Milly, we often assume that making and sustaining friendships is some innate skill that we all have. But some of us have to work harder than others. Firstly, acknowledging your concern is the first step. There are also many places where you can receive advice. A first step can be just to ask your GP for a referral. You'll not be the first person who asked. Just say what you wrote. Folk here will offer suggestions. I do recall some years ago taking a drama course as I thought it might help me with negotiation at work. The CAE has run courses in making friends or new friends after a relationship breakup. If you lets us know what things do you like doing we can probably offer other ideas. My standard advice is to get out of our cars and cycle. Of course that isn't for everyone. I use to teach people  to master one lame joke ... doesn't matter what. And no one will ask you to tell a second. You use it as an ice breaker when in a new situation. And if you don't laugh, I use to explain the theory of the expanding universe and then ask folk did they think it was Open or Closed, ie, will stagnate, end in a big crunch and expand for ever. I got quite a few dates out of that one. But it was all rehearsed and forced. It might seem hard but it isn't. If you like I can give a few tips that take about 5 minutes to master. Anyway, in your next post I want to read at least one joke.