I feel like a burden on my adoptive family who don't understand my depression

Guest_7072 · ‎22-04-2018

I've been living with my adoptive/ foster family for 3 years. I have a relatively good life and home environment with my own room, my instruments and freedom to express myself. But I've been struggling with depression and anxiety for many years, even before i started living here, and it hasn't gotten better. I used to live with my biological family, quite a dysfunctional one might i add. My dad is a religious control freak and my mum is bipolar. I have two young sisters who live with my biological dad and an older sister who lives by herself. A while after my parents divorced, i ended up here. Alot of my depression stems from guilt for leaving my sisters behind, being unable to maintain a relationship with my biological family (im currently not talking to either which means i cant have a relationship with my sisters too) and just a general feeling that i make way too many mistakes that not only affect me, but affect other people. I hurt alot of people and i hate myself for it. According to my guardian, there's no reason for me to be depressed. i have everything and she's right to a degree. i often think of myself as selfish and stupid and ungrateful for even being depressed. She doesn't understand me at all and seems to be emotionally disconnected towards everyone except for her own 2 biological kids. She says things like "oh but youre not depressed when you're with your friends or you're at a concert are you?" when those things are merely distractions. Whenever we argue, it becomes heated with me crying and screaming and her telling me that i need to go back and live with my mum or i should leave if I'm not happy here. Sometimes after an argument she'll tell me that i need to call up my mum and tell her that im moving back. Our arguments lead to her fighting with her husband who she has underlying issues with because he doesn't do enough to help her. once she almost filed for divorce and today when we got into a full blown argument she shouted that she almost divorced her husband because of me. Unfortunately, I'm beginning to believe it. I feel like such a burden, and many things she's said leads me to believe that she doesn't want me here. It's like she just tolerates me. I can't live with my parents because they'll treat me badly. my big sister and i can't be in the same house for more than 2 days without fighting. I'm in the middle of HSC, and i don't know what to do or where i should go. It's like walking on eggshells no matter where i am.

PamelaR · ‎23-04-2018

Dear Guest_7072

Your story brings tears to my eyes. Such a difficult life for you. I just want to reach out and take your hand to tell you everything will be okay. That you are loved and cared for. I am so pleased you've found Beyond Blue (BB) forums. Welcome!!

You'll find those of us who respond are not counsellors or therapists, just people who are caring, friendly, supportive and non judgmental and have experience with mental illness. As I respond to your post, I'll be asking a few questions here and there. No pressure to respond if you don't want. Just asking to see if there's more I can do to help.

You say you've had anxiety and depression for a number of years now. Are you seeing a doctor and/or therapist at the moment? It might be useful to see if you could get a visit in. Especially with it being HSC - there would be a load of things going on for you and the more support you get the better. Also the BB home page has a vast amount of resources for young people. Have a look at contacts and support for 12-25 y.o. under the 'Who does it affect' tab.

I remember back to my mid teenage years. I used to argue with my mother all the time. Especially before going to school - ugh. Now I realise that my mum was going through menopause, so her life must have been difficult too. 3 kids, one that passed away and having little support around the house by my father. My mum too suffered from mental health problems, though in those days it wasn't talked about or commonly known. She needed assistance big time. Anyway, I survived and have lived a very good life - with anxiety and depression. At times it feels really difficult, especially those times of stress (e.g. HSC) and music exams. Which instrument do you play? Do you get lessons?

If you need to talk with someone there are a number of helplines and chat line you can use:

Kids Helpline 1800 55 1800 anytime, any reason

eHeadspace 1800 650 890

BB support service 1300 224 636

BB Chat online 3pm - 12am

We'd love to hear back from you. Please let us know how you get on.

Kind regards

PamelaR

quirkywords · ‎23-04-2018

Guest,

I too wish to welcome you to the forum. This is a caring , supportive and friendly place.

Pamela has given you helpful suggestions so I won't repeat her words.

You have experienced so much in your life so far and now when it looks to most people you have a relatively good life you are struggling. Your guardian probably had problems with her marriage before you came to live there. Please believe it is not your fault and an adult should not be putting that responsibility on you. Your guardian maybe stressed and not fully understand that depression is not about being happy. She seems to have a lot on her plate. Have you always argued with her, or only in the last few months? Was there a time when you could talk to your guardian without arguing?

Some people feel that if someone they are close too is depressed it reflects on them. I had an ex partner who felt guilty if I was depressed so I would hide it and it made it first.

Is there a counsellor at school , or a teacher you can talk to?, So you could talk about what is happening an how it may or already has affected your studies.

My brother is adopted and we had two foster children at different times in our family.

You seem very mature and practical . Like Pamela I think going to see a doctor if you have not already done so,would be a good idea.

I really appreciate that you have shared your story in such an articulate way. You write very well and express yourself.

Quirky

smallwolf · ‎28-04-2018

Guest_7072,

Hey? Just following up to see how you are going?

You mention HSC... Could you talk to someone at school? I am thinking of counseling services. They exist at the school my children attend. Some schools also have chaplains you can speak to. They might be able to give you advice on the next steps and other useful resources?

Smallwolf