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i dont know what to do anymore

anon90
Community Member
I'm a young father of 2 soon to be 3 but my wife and i are having problems, i love her so much but she thinks I'm cheating on her, Saturday just past had she went to send her mother a message on fb as she was doing so she seen someone in the contacts and started saying that she was my gf and that i was cheating, i don't even know this person and when i clicked on it there was no messages, i tried saying that i don't know her and everything but she wont listen keep saying that they wouldn't have just come up, I'm really stuck as to what to do, clearly she doesn't trust me but i really don't know what to do or say or even how to say it (i have problems in communicating like when i say stuff it comes out completely different to how i mean) , i love her so much but shes just pushing me away, this isn't the only time its happened and it seems she finds something to fight about every weekend, to make things worse Sunday night i called my best friend to catch up and talk, i wanted to go his or out but he seemed more concerned for my wife and we ended up just staying at mine but when he 1st got there he walked past me and then into the hose and spoke to my wife, now i feel like i cant and don't want to talk to him but i have no one else. i went to work today but i just spent most the time in tears so i left. we have texted a few times today but that just seems to make everything worse now she thinks i don't want to be with her. please help
2 Replies 2

anon90
Community Member
I'm currently a qualified mechanic (with no license so its hard to find a new job) but i get payed badly so i wanted to go to the army as i had heard it was a stable job and good pay but i dint realize that i was gonna be gone for big periods of time, my wife instantly thought it was to get away, that wasn't my intention so with that on top of her thinking im cheating i am really stuck how do i speak to her? how do i explain that my intentions wore pure when she wont listen

Hey there

A tricky situation with multiple angles - makes it difficult to comment with little information available.

First of all I'm sorry to hear that you're distressed. I know what it feels like to be dealing with these issues and having to work at the same time.

I think the best course of action, if your wife continues to accuse you of such things is to get some professional marriage counselling to nut out the underlying issues. In the meantime I think it's probably best to tell her, firmly but calmly that you are not cheating and love her - end of discussion. She'll probably be looking at your emails and phone so as long as your happy with that. Actions are better than words in some cases. She may be feeling insecure for other reasons - such as money being tight, new child on the way, issues with current children?? So I would make sure I'm contributing reasonably to care of the kids and maintenance of the house. How come you're not licensed? Can you get this back so you can start earning more money. This is obviously an issue for yourself too, so getting it sorted would be a win win. I can see the appeal of the army, however I can also see your wife's angst at you being away for periods with her having three kids to look after.

As I said it's complicated - your wife has trust issues for some kind of reason, whether it be real, imagined, ? hormone induced? I mean if you're going out heaps and coming home late all the time I can understand her concerns but if that's not the case (and apart from random woman in ? your contacts list) I'd want to know why else she keeps suspecting infidelity. Number 1 makes sure you're present and active in family life/around the house, and if in doubt get professional advice - maybe individually first and if necessary with your wife too.