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I don't like where I am in life anymore.

BecH
Community Member
My title might sound alittle 'cup is half empty' then 'half full' sounding in my situation but simply put i just don't like who i seem to be or where i am in life anymore. Don't get me wrong there's things in my life i like or are fine. I have a cruisy job with good perks. My partner of 10 years is my fav person in the whole world, i love him completely and he loves me and our time together is when i really feel like i am happy. Its everything else i'm not sure about. 2017 is a 1 year in numerology and that aparently means 'new beginnings'. It was earlier this year i started questioning my friendships. I can honestly say now i don't know if i actually like any of the people i call 'friends' anymore (most of these are through a sport i play as a hobby). So much so that i constantly make excuses to not hang out with them. In saying that i have made some new acquaintances through a new hobby i have recently started in addition to my sport and much prefer to hang with them instead or even my partners friends. We used to travel alot in my sport and i no longer want to do that anymore (would rather save the money to go on trips with my partner and travel the world). I don't even know if i enjoy going to training anymore though i still enjoy the sport itself (there are no other clubs in the area for this sport to join though if its the club that's the problem). I used to go to the gym alot and i have since cancelled my membership and prefer to go for walks by myself instead. I'm viewed as kind of a punk looking chic with piercings and dark clothes but recently have considered taking some of them out and have bought a ton of new natural looking clothes. My partner and i went to Japan earlier this year (2nd time) and he said he would love to move there and to begin with i was like NO WAY would i leave my life here but then i really thought about it and (i looked into this) if it was so simple to move over there, i would in a heartbeat with him. When i think about how beautiful the place is and how i wish i could live there I sometimes cry. I don't know who i am or want to be anymore. A girl i used to consider a friend said at the beginning of this year "its ok you're just growing out of where you are in your life right now. change is fine" but i seriously don't know where or what I want to be. I feel sad and lost sometimes.
12 Replies 12

atomik
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi BecH, I have also been where you are now. It is true we do grow and we do change. Part of my depression i battle with was because of this reason. It is okay to feel lost and to feel sad, we don't always know the direction we are going. after spending many years trying to get into the police service it didn't eventuate. I was lost as i didn't have anything else that i wanted to do.

It is normal to feel this way many people do at different times in their lives. It's also okay not have all the answers. At some stage we re-evaluate our lives. My advice is never be scared of change and in the short term while you feel this was set your self some goals no matter how small they are they can provide purose until we work out where we are going.

geoff
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni
hi BecH, I think you're raised a very good point here, because how often does this actually happen to people, well many times, friends have different interests outside of the sport they play, they develop new directions in what they want to do, so it's easy for these 'friends' to either disappear or to only become an acquaintance, which means you meet to play the sport and when it's finished, off you go to whatever suits you.
If you change your appearance this will mean that you will meet a new group of friends who may be able to associate with you on a different level something you could be wanting.
What I am doing now is completely different to what I was 20 years ago, simply because my tastes, my ability and capability have definitely changed and so has my desire, I suppose it has to change.
Friends are scarce but a true friend will stick with you through thick and thin and are definitely had to find, but as time progress's your lifestyle will change and whether these friends stay with you will depend on how well they can change with you.
Just a thought, people decide they want to move o/s or to another part of the country because when they have been there for a visit they have enjoyed themselves, however to live there, all aspects maybe totally different. Geoff.

White_Rose
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello BecH

Welcome to Beyond Blue and the forum. It's great to hear from you.

Geoff and Atomik has raised valid points. We do all change and often in that change we lose touch with some people and find new friends. I can honestly say now i don't know if i actually like any of the people i call 'friends' anymore. I suspect you don't actually dislike them, you have grown apart and are finding new directions in your life. You have not grown away from your partner which is great.

Think about your life and friends you have had. School friends who listened to your greatest secrets, work colleagues you interact with on a different level, your sports people. When my children were small and went to kindergarten I made friends with some of the other moms. I have moved away and do not see them anymore. I think you get the picture.

Your hobbies and activities are also changing. I have always sewn but it has been in spasms. I no longer play squash and now my children have grown up I do not help in the school tuck shop etc.

If you decide on a new direction in life then go for it. It's all quite normal. Will you be able to find work in Japan? That would be my only reservation. Go for it and enjoy your life.

Mary

Hey BecH,

Everything you have all said is exactly how I feel. I too am going through a cleansing/purging period in my life. Life is meant to be enjoyed, for the most part. If situations/people aren't enjoyable for you anymore, let them go. I have become quite harsh the last couple of months. I have a few "friends" who if I didn't contact them we would never speak. I stopped contacting them and guess what? We haven't spoken in months. So stuff them I say.

I am a dark clothing and piercings girl too ! LOL.

Adventures are good.

Oh man can I waffle !

AHHAHA.

V.

BecH
Community Member
Thanks for your reply Geoff. That is true i guess about maybe just wanting to continue our enjoyable holidays by living there permanently though I have always been drawn to Japan since i first started learning their language and about the country in primary school. My mother always thought i may have been Japanese in a previous life as she swore i spoke Japanese in my sleep. Haha. But yes Its not so much that i want to change my appearance to make new friends but moreso that i don't feel my outsides match my insides anymore. Thats true that true friends would stick by you no matter what but i dont actually think i have any true friends anymore. I did and they all slowly moved away over the years and we lost contact due to the vast distance between us until all i was left with was friends from my sport team. Even these acquaintances who are very nice people probably wont amount to very close supportive relationships but thats what makes it seem so easy to just get up and leave with my partner and move away because apart from our parents theres nothing else cementing us to stay here. Unfortunately Japan has so many rules about moving there permanently so its not actually a possibility for us but if it was......

BecH
Community Member
Hi Mary, Yes new to the forum, i found it in google when googling 'i dont like who i am anymore' thought i would give it a go. Anyway we could find work in japan as we have looked though we need to know more of the language which we are slowly learning but the jobs would not pay much but tbh we wouldn't care if we were in a tiny apartment as long as we were there and together. Unfortunately Japan has so many rules about moving there permanently so its not actually a possibility for us but if it was we would be packing up our lives here as we speak. I think friends that we know through things never last. You need to find a friend that relates to you on a personal level. Sure doing A hobby together helps and is a good way to meet people but its borning always talking about the same stuff with people because thats all you have in common. Maybe thats why i like my partners friends. We get along and don't talk about any of my clubs or hobby stuff. We just talk about our thoughts feelings likes dislikes.

Hi Velvet, yes i feel like i am being harsh too. A couple years ago i decided i needed to get out and do more so i took on the 'YES MAN' idea to life. say yes to (almost) anything your invited too. It was great i got out there and did so much!! I went on some awesome adventures. But now i'm starting to take on a new idea to life and that is 'YES do stuff but only if YOU want to' and im finding i want to do less and less with my so called 'friends'. they still contact me but its me. Its me that doesn't want to do stuff with them. Take today for instance. I got invited to drinks after work. 3 people are going. I would be 4. I said no because.. well of the people that are going...i would rather go for a walk by myself. Is that wierd?

BecH
Community Member
Hi Atomik. Im sorry you didn't get into the police force. I hope you found something to do in life that you enjoy. I do have things to look forward to, i have been buying things and planning my next holidays all year though in waiting for them in the meantime is depressing. Also once they are over then what? make another holiday and start it all over again?

No Bec, Not weird at all. I completely understand where you are coming from.

I am sick of being the "yes" person too because you end up cutting off your nose to spite your face so to speak.

I went for a walk yesterday and it was the best.

What sport do you play? I am rather active too but no longer on a sports team. Getting too old HAHAHAH.

Velvz.