Hi Jarel
I feel for you so very much as you face some incredibly stressful and life altering challenges.
I think the holiday is just what you need and I say this for good reason:
For the last 8 years, I've enjoyed the same holiday destination at Easter but returning this year really challenged me for some reason. I came back feeling quite down. Some days later, I finally had an epiphany as to why I was feeling the way I was. I wasn't just returning home, I was re-turning to all the stuff that had been stressing me out, all the mundane aspects of life and all the bad habits I possessed.
I believe, every day we have the choice to turn toward what is best in the way of our evolution or we can re-turn toward what we are familiar with, no matter how stressful and destructive those familiar ways are. The conflict of re-turning to the familiar can be overwhelming at times. The conflict of 'this is how it is' and 'this is not what I want' can play out like a battle in our head, slowly wearing us down. A conflict in our body can also play out at the same time. The amount of stress this constant re-turning puts on our nervous system and other internal systems can have significant impact.
I know it may sound a bit simplistic but a holiday is not just about recreation (having fun), it's also about re-creation (reinventing our self through enjoyment). It's a chance to reconnect with our most authentic self (the adventurer, the strong and determined lone pioneer/explorer, the seeker of joy and fulfillment and so on). The truth is, it is the break or holiday that truly sees us re-turning to our self. When the holiday comes to an end, the greatest challenge involves staying connected to that self and not re-turning to the conflict relating to who we are not.
Use the holiday to rediscover who you are. Take notes if you need, to keep yourself reminded, for when you come back. You may even have a few revelations while you're away in regard to direction. Within reason, do not sway or budge from remaining committed to positive and constructive progress; when you come back from your holiday, make sure that every day you re-turn to the self that you found when you were away and watch as life around you begins to change. Expect resistance from the people in your life while they adapt to the most authentic you.
Have fun on your trip, enjoy the re-creation - a truly soulful experience.
Take care
