I don't know where to start..
Thank you for your post.
You won't believe me now but you will progress through grief. A loss such as you describe (and I've felt it, too) is still grief, and grief has stages. None of us can avoid the stages and the last one is acceptance.
Have you had any counselling or seen a psychologist about how you feel? There is also lots of literature on this site and the ability to talk to trained people on webchat.
The reality in any normal relationship is that both people must want it. No matter how much you want your ex, if he doesn't want to be with you, you cannot have a relationship with him.
Please do not torture yourself with fantasy or give yourself false hope. If it is salvageable, consider what has to be done to progress that, and if it is not, take care of yourself.
Kind regards, John.
Hi Missd, welcome to beyond Blue forums
You might have to shower yourself in realistic thoughts. You said he is gone. He's gone. So what can you do now?
Fill in your day with activities, hobbies, meeting new people, new friends, chase up some old friends, get out and play bowling, join a group, a sport....move!!
That way your mind is occupied. It helps a lot.
And by the way....love can only be replaced with love IMO. But if he doesnt come back then the love wasnt strong enough from his side. That is reality as much as we dont like reality we have to move on.
If your mind gets to sad and out of control see your GP and take his/her advice for treatment.
Love is hard, breaking up is harder. I've had 3 loves in my life. 11 years, 10 and now 4. I know the heartache. You dont mention children. If you havent had them with him then thank yourself....for that is a whole level more in pain....
There is a world out there with a special guy waiting for you to meet him. One that will show hid love by remaining around you when times are tough.
Take care Tony WK