I don't know how to end my relationship because my girlfriend suffers severely.

[SoyMeme]

I've been in a relationship for nearly 4 months now. In the beginning we were mad for each other and over the past month or so I feel like I'm losing connection. She constantly says how madly in love with me she is and how she wants to spend the rest of her life with me. I felt the same for the first half of the relationship but recently I've kind of felt out of it, I feel like a relationship at this time isn't the best option for me. I've just finished high school and I spent most of it in relationships so I don't know what it's like to be single out in the real world and I have a strong feeling I need to have that chance now. The problem is that my girlfriend suffers extremely from anxiety and depression. She tells me how paranoid she gets because she thinks that I'm going to leave her and that she just can't live without me. She boasts about me to everyone she knows and tells me how obsessed with me she is. I feel like this is all too much for me and I just need to kind of escape it a bit. We've talked about dying down the affection a touch recently but when I told her it was a bit much I could tell how upset she was. Her depression in the past has been extremely, and I mean EXTREMELY bad. Not only before our relationship but even during it. I won't go into too much detail with that because i canr invade her privacy like that. But its like im an anchor for her depression and if i leave im afraid something terrible would happen. I care about her so much and i want her to be happy but on the other hand, I just feel like this isn't what I want and I need a break from it all. I've contemplated breaking up with her but I just can't because of how afraid I am to hurt her. I need help

some things in this post I forgot to mention are that we live an hour away from each other and I'm the only one with a car so we only get to see each other once a week at most. And also I too suffer from social anxiety disorder which also puts a strain on trying to break off a relationship, it's all just too hard for me and I can't figure out what to do.

Kind regards

[White_Rose]

Dear SoyMeme

Welcome to the forum and thank you for your post.

You are in a difficult position with your girlfriend. It seems like heads she wins, tails you lose. She has obviously formed an attachment to you and this can happen when someone is going through a difficult time and wants support. That said you also have needs which cannot be ignored because someone else wants your time and strength. Needing to have break from any relationship is OK.

She is emotionally blackmailing you by saying how much she fears you are going to separate. She may well not realise this as her depression is colouring her thoughts and when you have support it's hard to let go. You also have needs as you are starting your adult journey. Girlfriends/boyfriend relationships are enjoyable but serious relationships are rarely formed the moment you leave school. Finding out who you are and what you want to do with your life is something for you to explore and it seems you are being held back from this. If this was another girl who did not cling and you wanted to break off the relationship, is this is what you would do?

It's important to be clear why you want to break up. From your post it does seem you are not ready for any kind of commitment. You are exploring your new world, meeting new friends, going to new places. It's all happening for you and I think that's really good. Do you have a job or go to uni or have some other occupation? This is where your energy needs to be.

I think breaking this relationship is the best for you. I know it sounds cruel to say goodbye but the longer it goes on the more hurt and disappointed your GF is going to be. I am sure you are fond of her and don't want to hurt her in any way but you need to decide what is best for you. You do not have responsibility for her.

I expect you will feel guilty about hurting her in any way and that's OK. It's not a good enough reason to stay.

It would be courteous to tell her face to face but are you up to this? I think it is something you owe her so decide why you want to leave and tell her your reasons. No doubt she will insist it's because of her depression and you can only say it's not. Be firm.

If she suggests she will harm herself do not be persuaded to change your mind. If you know her parents then tell them what has happened and then leave. She is not your responsibility. Post in and tell us how you are going. Good luck.

Mary