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I don’t have a life, I don’t know who I am anymore.

silverdingo
Community Member

10 years ago I had a great job, a responsible position reporting to government. I was a single parent with child going through VCE and was in a 6 year relationship, and was actually engaged at the time. Then boom, the conversation came right out of the blue, “I don’t love you anymore”….”you need to move out”. I had to move to make way for new girlfriend who was moving in. That was probably the first time I felt true depression, I felt like crap and I was thrown out like trash. I moved on quickly and found myself in another relationship, I do feel guilty about it being so quick, but i felt that’s what I needed to do. A year later a proposal and then I moved to be with my partner the following year. Due to the travel time I had to leave my job. They were like family to me, especially my boss. I had no close friends, still don’t. I got a job closer to home, part time. The place was very unorganized in many ways and I left as I felt like I couldn’t cope with the stress, mum was in aged care and was deteriorating. She died later that year. I have so much guilt over how I treated my mother over the years, it makes me cry uncontrollably at times. With her death came family issues, I had to talk with family who I didn’t talk to. We all grew apart, long story. I had a few years off from working, and did a few volunteer stints before starting another part time job last year, close by again. Another unorganized place, I felt like I was nobody and always overlooked and was never told anything. So my partner said “Leave” so I did. There is a lot more to the story, but for now, this is it. I’m sorry, I feel like I have crashed, I’m not the person I used to be, I don’t know who I am anymore. I used to be in a great organization, I pretty much ran my department, but now I feel overwhelmed with loneliness and have no one to lean on, I can’t tell my partner as that causes some stress for him. Somedays I feel like my smile has disappeared and the lips have been set in concrete.


9 Replies 9

james1
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hello silverdingo,

I am so sorry to hear you have been struggling so much in the last 10 years. It really sounds like you've had an incredibly long tough period and I am not surprised at all, just saddened, that you feel like you have crashed.

You seem to have done so well to keep on top of things by moving on from your previous relationship, trying to find a better job, and doing volunteer work. I know you feel really terrible right now, but I think you've actually done really well to just keep on going in an incredibly difficult time.

I have also felt very lonely before and it's one of the hardest things I've had to face. It sounds so basic, but the fix for loneliness - meeting new people - seems to be so difficult as well, especially when you are busy with other life stuff.

So it's really great that you have come here because reaching out is one of the best things you can do when you are feeling overwhelmed by loneliness. It can be very hard to speak to those close to us because we may be afraid or feel like the other person has their own things to worry about. But everyone here understands how difficult it can be so I do hope you can keep talking to us.

One of the things I did when I struggled was I called the support lines when I was finding it tough. BeyondBlue is 1300 22 4636. They aren't there as doctors, but rather as a friendly voice. It's almost like writing in a diary, but you are actually talking to someone who is kind and understanding.

Another thing you could consider is to speak to your GP, or another GP who has an interest in mental health. When we don't feel safe talking to those closest to us just yet, it's really important we don't shut off completely and instead use all the other sources of support available.

Have you ever spoken with any of those options I mentioned?

James

Hello James, and thank you for replying.

I know that I need to reach out, to something or someone but for me its hard. I am a quite shy person and my emotions always get the better of me, crying and sobbing. I am always talked over, and my voice is never heard, not because it's quiet but because people just don't want to listen to what I have to say. I find i get anxious about a lot of things lately, and my partner always says "It'll be ok" to everything, and I love him to bits but I can't bring this up with him. I feel that my Dr or the practice that i go to are too busy for me and I feel that its not the right place for me to start a conversation. I'm always rushed in and out at the best of times. I do have a pen pal in another country, but she also has lots on her plate and I know how I feel when she brings up her difficulties and it becomes a bit of a drag for me to hear it. So i don't want to spoil the only friendship I have in the world.

I will consider the support lines, but at the moment its not possible as our phone is not working.

silverdingo x

Hi silver welcome to forums a place where it's safe to open up and talk about the important issues. It's almost granted that someone out there has experienced the problem. They can also help with a solution. It's almost a great big family. Some people will be annoying others helpful, then there is me. The odd ball. The person who can be serious in their answer, show some wisdom, be a sage at times. But even then crack you up out of the blue even when I am being serious.

Hy mission in life is to get someone to smile every day at least one, person. The record was set in 1987, 30 people in a train going into the city out of the blue just started a stand up comedy ruteen people were cracking up the hole way I only knew one person on the train the rest were strangers. We were unknown to the rest of the train.

We are here for you for advice someone to bounce Ideas off. Its hodge podge we volunteer information here all anonymously we might give little clues to who we are but never enough to work out who we are.

Peter

Ggrand
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hello silverdingo,

I would also like to welcome you to the wonderful BB Forums..

James has given you some really great suggestions and advice, I feel there not much more that I can add..

I have seen and heard you in the BBQ cafe but officially met, so hello silverdingo, I'm Grandy..

Im sorry your struggling so much with depression, crying and sobbing.

When my negative thoughts start dragging me into the emotional stage of crying, so many tears, I try to distract myself by doing something to keep my thoughts onto something that I like..usually mind challenging games on my iPad..That way my thoughts are directed away from my sadness onto the game..

I needed to see my gp to try and talk to her about how I was feeling, but like your gp I got rushed out very quickly, so what I done was book a long appointment, double the time of a regular appointment, that worked for me as I had time to talk, it worked for her because she was compensated for her time...That visit was the first time I really talked to someone and it felt strange but at the same time relief for me,n and my gp got me started on my mental health care plan. which gives me 12 free psychology visits a year. Maybe you can book into a long/double appointment, and give that a try.. Please.

I hope it was okay to visit you and for me to try to give you a little support as well

Warm and kind thoughts,

Grandy.

Hi Kanga

Thank you. your kind words are very welcome today.
And I did smile after reading about your train stand up comedy act. You're a very brave kanga.

Hi Grandy

Today was a grey day for me, the weather was bleak and I'm not feeling the best today, tummy cramps, headachy, feel exhausted, anyway i just wanted to stay in bed and snooze. But i did force myself out and had a shower and got out of the house, even if it was late in the afternoon. I know i need to keep moving and doing things.

I'm not brave enough to have a discussion with my doctor yet, I am feeling a little better with support from this forum, and i want to thank you for coming here with your support for me. I really do appreciate it.

Ggrand
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hello Silverdingo,

I'm sorry that your not feeling very well, I really hope your tummy cramps, headache and your exhaustion heal soon.

I felt proud for you when even though you didn't feel like getting out of bed you did..and you even went outside of the house, so very well done..You done better then me...I got up and moved myself to the lounge and stayed there...

Thats okay not to talk to the Dr, you will know when you're ready for that step..

This forum has help me so much, so many kind caring people here..I really hope you will benighted as much as I have by the great insight that the others here have..

Hoping tomorrow is a better day for you..🌹 A little red rose for your room..

Warm and caring thoughts,

Grandy

Thank you Grandy for the beautiful rose, it is just what I needed right now. I’m feeling real crappy.

I’m feeling so very alone and sad tonight. I haven’t left the house or seen or spoken to anyone in days. I am planning on visiting the local library tomorrow just so I can get out and be around people.

Sighh

Hi,

Welcome to beyond blue. Just a little to put your mind at rest.

Firstly, I think it was Grandy who said this, but for this conversation with your GP make it a double or long appointment. That will make it easier for all concerned. When I made that first call to the GP I didn't know it had to be a long appointment and I was lucky to be put on hold and get a message indicating this. I was then referred to a psychologist for a second opinion. And how I thought I was vs what I was saying were two different things. Secondly, I am also shy, but find it incredibly easy to talk to my GP or psych* about things. But I am like this not just because I want to get better but feel I am wasting their and my time if I am not committed to the process. And I do as I am asked or told. It's just me.

I guess out of all of this, I want you to know that there is nothing you should have to worry about as they actually do want you to get better or be able to manage it. At least that's my experience.

Finally, and depending on how you go, that is, whether you go to counseling or not, is that you are the customer, so if something is not working, make sure you tell them so a workaround can be found. One time my psych asked me if I tried a mindful activity she suggested. I said yes but that it didn't work so went back to the deep breathing exercises.

And note that we are all here to support each other. Let us know how you are going, and if you have any questions someone will respond with care and help.